switched to WP!

Today I switched to Wordpress. It's not quite finished yet, but soon it will be! I will be posting there from now on. Give me a little while to transfer over everyone's links. Actually, this is a fabulous opportunity to say hey - if you link me and I don't link you back like the bitch that I am, will ya tell me? that way the new one will be complete.

Another year, another banner - help!

Last year, my dearly treasured Mr. Sexsmith created the lovely banner that you see here.



I have been rather pleased with it for the longest time, and it was one of my most special and unique gifts last December.

Since the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar came out, though, I have been struggling to prepare the new layout for my switcheroo over to wordpress.com because I do not know the interface over there very well, and also because the colors in the banner match my blogger theme and I can't figure out how to incorporate this theme into the available wordpress themes. Also, it has to be exactly 720 x 180 pixels, which is a different size than the current banner.

So, my darlings, wouldn't one of you love to craft a new banner for me? My new theme will likely be white, so any photo will do. You can see all of the photos I've posted here under label "shots".

I'll be ever so glad to send you something in return. My specialties lately have been beer bread and cookies of all sorts. Make your request, and you will find your mailbox filled with home baked goodies. If you're not the type to eat food from strangers, I'm sure we can work something else out :) I make handmade note cards from nature photos that I have taken, I could send you a ten pack with envelopes! See? The options are endless.

A post about last week's best threesome ever to come!

curb your enthusiasm.

I cannot believe you people are not as excited about my naked pictures as I am! Seriously! I have not posted sexy pictures in MONTHS and these are my first topless pictures, and aren't they fan-fucking-tabulous? Come on now. Get excited about nudity! Get excited about breast cancer awareness - it's a campaign to remind you to touch yourself, what's not to love about THAT? As a matter of fact, touch your friend's breasts, too. two hands are better than one, I always say. if one of you misses something, the other might find it!

I would also like to announce that I just had the best sex that I have ever had with dana, year to date. I have never ---evver--- been fucked so exquisitely. I was sitting at the edge of orgasm for like 20 minutes before I came crashing down. A. Ma. Zing. When we first started having sex, I was so pleased by her skill that I just wanted to share it with the world, "everyone should have sex this good!" But it was gotten so good that I'm getting to be a selfish bitch and keep her hot lovin' all to myself. Maybe not allll to myself, but I'm not sharing with just anyone if you know what I mean.

Who knew I deserved a girlfriend as great as this. We engaged a third finger for the first time ever, and it was absolutely glorious. Her tongue on my clit sets off the fireworks in my brain! The combination of the two is beyond compare, it sends me into total meltdown. No doubt about it, I am pretty damn lucky.

December Giving

It's that time of year, my friends! I will keep reminding you throughout the Fall season. As is my custom, when it is the season of giving, I do like to send small gifts and cards to those who are dear to me. If you read my ramblings, then I consider you very dear. It would be my pleasure to present you with some small treat! Please e-mail me with your complete mailing address, and indicate whether you will be glad to accept a card or a small gift. I am aware that receiving a gift may make some of you uncomfortable, so feel very very free to welcome a card only. If you'd like my return address, I'll be quite please to give it. After all, we are all real people, even though we have our blog faces on most of the time. So please, allow me the joy of thinking up some fancy treat for you!

14 unusual facts

I've been tagged twice, both by Natt Nightly and by Green-Eyed Girl for a bit of a survey - 7 unusual facts about myself. Since I've been tagged twice, I'll just go ahead and give you 14. I don't play by the rules, so if you want to do this, go ahead and do it. I tag anyone who wants to be tagged. Here we go:

1. The first chapter book I ever read was Heidi. Unabridged. In the first grade.

2. There is a picture of me above Dana's desk. She put it there. In the picture I am 2 years old, wearing a pink frilly dress and grinning from ear to ear.

3. When our cats try to get into my big wardrobe we say "look, Dabu's trying to get to Narnia!"

4. I have a laundry basket full of shoes, but I mostly wear an old brown pair of reef's.

5. I alphabetize or categorize every shelf on my bookcase.

6. I have never written a paper for college more than a week in advance. I have never turned in a rough draft. I have never not stayed up the night before it was due writing it.

7. I gave away my television to Amber and Sol earlier this year. Glad to be rid of it.

8. Even though I played violin for 13 years, and I have two of them, I rarely play anymore.

9. My mother makes the best kahlua - the funny thing is that it's made with instant coffee! yuck!

10. When I bowl, the palm of my hand faces down as I roll the ball.

11. It's official, I've moved three times in 2008. This is the last time, I swear.

12. In high school I stopped shaving for several months and ranted to anyone who would listen about why women's bodies should just be the way God intended them to be. Everyone thought I was nuts.

13. Dad used to read The Hobbit to me and my brother. We would sit on the arm rests of this big reclining chair and he would mispronounce words to see if we were listening.

14. I don't wear bras. Only tanks with shelf-bras in them. So much more comfortable, easy to take off, and I never have to worry about my bra straps showing!

There you have 14 facts about me.

Tag, you're it!

injury

I busted my knee on Saturday on my way to the party, it was pretty awful! I slipped in a parking lot because the asphalt was wet, and it was a parking lot so there was motor oil too. Water and oil don't mix, so down I went. I should post pictures. Eww.

Also, read my piece about inner thigh chafing at Femmes Guide to Absolutely Everything!

First, Second

At this very moment, I am totally, utterly, absolutely jealous of everyone who got to go to the Femme Conference. Reading everything you all wrote, I was asking myself why on earth I wasn't there. I should have been. But I think I can only really afford two big outta state trips per year. I capped out by June. Went to see mum in March and went to NYC in June. (which, by the way, was fantastic - sorry I haven't written much about it.) Another one might have been overkill, especially considering my current debt-elimination streak.

I have two notes to discuss today, as well

First, if you link to me, please tell me. I don't have my site counter up, something went funny with the code so I can't see where people are clicking from. Also, it's rude of me not to link you back! So, please either e-mail me (missavarice@gmail.com) or comment to let me know.

Secondly, I'm looking for some writing prompts so I think it's question and answer time! I've been wanting to start writing "how-to's" and advice about the implements of femme presentation. For example, I've been thinking over a piece on how to wear a skirt in the summertime without getting chafed between your legs. My answer? thigh high stockings. little shorties underneath. powdering your inner thighs? My point is, chafing is a bitch and I live in a rather warm, tropical climate. The humidity is insane! So. Point being, give me a topic, I'll do a little bit of research, and come back to you all with the results.

The Girl Effect

This came to my inbox this morning. I wish that enough people would hear about work that's being done like this and help out but we are often so wrapped up in our own problems. I know a lot of people are struggling with money much of the time, but giving is part of the process of receiving - remember this.

new horizons seem so far away

I'm still not doing very well, but I took a much needed unplanned day off yesterday which helped tremendously. I was feeling ill, I was cramping, and Dana had the day off. I wanted to be with her. I spent the majority of the day basically glued to her side, requiring her affections. We had dinner with Stefanie, had a Border's run (I've been spending my excess lack of funds there a lot lately). Spent the day mostly looking for a new job on the internet, looking up massage schools in NY state, looking up job opportunities in Jersey, and generally being weepy and asking the Universe what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

I haven't written much about sex or sexuality or anything of late, and for that I hope to do some kind of penance. But sex with Dana has lately felt so very private, I have been wanting to hold it in my heart and not share it. It has been about reconnecting with her, it has been full of loving, tender touch. I have been filling my life with relaxing music, guided meditations and deep breaths. I've been trying to get to the breath of life, as it seems to have escaped me. I'm reaching for my dreams because I've put them on the back burner for a year and a half. Won't you forgive me? Life just doesn't revolve around my sex or gender right now.

queer culture films available on netflix

I couldn't find my previous post about the documentary "The Aggressives" but I wanted to let everybody know that I signed up for Netflix the other day (in leu of getting cable television) and I saw that they have many very important films on queer history and culture. The films may be rather difficult to obtain, or view and this is a chance to watch them without money or scarcity standing in the way.

The Aggressives: Director Daniel Peddle spent five years recording the lives of six "aggressives" -- lesbians who strive to be as masculine as possible in lifestyle and appearance. The result is a portrait both enlightening and endearing as we watch each woman come up with her own inventive ways of expressing her identity. From prison to the underground ball scene, where lesbians compete for lead "AG" status, this film reveals a largely hidden subculture.

The Celluloid Closet: Narrated by Lily Tomlin, this acclaimed documentary takes its name from Vito Russo's groundbreaking book. The filmmakers examine the subtext of more than 100 Hollywood movies -- including Spartacus, Rope and Thelma and Louise -- and chart the cinematic journey of lesbian and gay characters. Film clips are paired with director, producer and actor interviews featuring, among others, Gore Vidal, Tom Hanks and Whoopi Goldberg.

Before Stonewall: Life was very different before the 1969 Stonewall riots put the issue of gay rights front and center in America. Using archival films and interviews with gays and lesbians who were forced to hide their sexuality for fear of reprisals, this documentary by Robert Rosenberg, Greta Schiller and John Scagliotti sheds light on American gay life from the 1920s to the 1960s and the sociopolitical climate that finally led to profound change.

After Stonewall: Melissa Etheridge narrates this documentary that explores the progress and challenges of the post-Stonewall lesbian/gay rights movement through archival footage and interviews with leaders such as Barbara Gittings, Armistead Maupin, Jewelle Gomez and Dorothy Allison. The film chronicles key events from 1970 to the end of the 20th century, including sexual liberation, conflicts with the feminist movement, AIDS and political organization.

If you have a credit card, you can get a two week free trial wherein you can watch all of these videos online without having to deal with sending dvd's back in the mail.

I'll give you the good news first... and then the bad news

The Good News:
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- In a much-anticipated ruling issued Thursday, the California Supreme Court struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage as unconstitutional.\

California's Supreme Court ruled Thursday that the state's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional.

Several gay and lesbian couples, along with the city of San Francisco and gay rights groups, sued to overturn state laws allowing only marriages between a man and a woman.

"There can be no doubt that extending the designation of marriage to same-sex couples, rather than denying it to all couples, is the equal protection remedy that is most consistent with our state's general legislative policy and preference," said the 120-page ruling.

It said that the state law's language "limiting the designation of marriage to a 'union between a man and a woman' is unconstitutional, and that the remaining statutory language must be understood as making the designation of marriage available to both opposite-sex and same-sex couples."

With the ruling, California becomes the second state to allow same-sex couples to legally wed. Massachusetts adopted the practice in 2004, and couples don't need to be state residents to wed there.

Vermont, New Jersey, New Hampshire and Connecticut permit civil unions, while California has a domestic-partner registration law. More than a dozen other states give gay couples some legal rights.

Seven other jurisdictions around the world have legalized same-sex marriage: Belgium, Netherlands, Spain, South Africa and the Canadian provinces of British Columbia, Ontario, and Quebec.

The Bad News
COLUMBUS, Ohio (CNN) -- Sen. John McCain envisions that by 2013, the Iraq War will be won but the threat from the Taliban in Afghanistan won't yet be eliminated, even though Osama bin Laden will have been captured or killed.


Sen. John McCain envisions his first-term achievements during a speech in Columbus, Ohio, Thursday.

The presumptive Republican presidential nominee made both statements in a speech in which he envisions the state of affairs at the end of his first term if he is elected president.

"What I want to do today is take a little time to describe what I would hope to have achieved at the end of my first term as president. I cannot guarantee I will have achieved these things," McCain said in his speech in Columbus, Ohio.

McCain's speech was unusual -- and somewhat risky -- in that it lays out benchmarks on which he could be judged.

The Arizona senator said he believes the United States will have a smaller military presence in Iraq that will not play a direct combat role, and he predicts that al Qaeda in Iraq will be defeated. Watch McCain say most troops will be home from Iraq by 2013 »

"By January 2013, America has welcomed home most of the servicemen and women who have sacrificed terribly so that America might be secure in her freedom.

"The Iraq War has been won. Iraq is a functioning democracy, although still suffering from the lingering effects of decades of tyranny and centuries of sectarian tension," McCain said.

The violence in Iraq will persist, the candidate believes, but it will be "spasmodic and much reduced." But civil war will be prevented, armed militias will be disbanded, security forces will become "professional and competent" and the government will be able to impose "its authority in every province of Iraq" and properly defend its borders.

my anniversary came and went without a whisper!

As I was reading over Sinclair's anniversary post (Happy 2 years!), I realized that mine was April 26, Saturday, and I totally missed it... I was so busy sleeping and running errands this weekend that I forgot that My blog anniversary was on April 26! I had copied over some of the filtered posts from my old blog to get started, and then wrote my first blog entry.

This blog has been all about handling layers. I have been learning to flip through the pages of our culture, of queer culture, and of the sexualities that we have taken underground, discovering anew the rich history and family that is built around shared secrets. I feel like I joined a secret guild of queer and sex writers who are taking back their sexualities and writing the stories back into the public eye. Keep doing that, and I'll keep working alongside you all. I said:

i shall never lack for conquests, suitors, and worshipers.

but it isn't the lack I fear. It's the abundance. I just want one that I can trust.

one pair of eyes to gaze into, in which to lose myself, wandering. one pair of lips for kissing, for communicating, for caring. one pair of hands for touching, for holding, for safety.

hands that hold me tightly - but not too tightly. hands and arms that wrap around me, assuring me of rest and security. and the breast, the tenderness, compressed against mine, the hope, the health, the future adventures, the trust and companionship. the faith and the forgiveness.

i want it. i want it all. the hands and everything that comes with them. the eyes and everything i see in them. the hips that balance right-and-wrong, new-and-old, truth-and-disguise.

my hands are sun hands.
hands know words that lips can only dream of.

A year later, and at least for now I have found that pair of hands, and everything that comes with them, and we're continuing to discover how our hands fit together. Holding each other's hands, we are learning to walk in one even stride.

I really need to say, too, that the people who have consistently followed my adventures, and encouraged me to write, reveal and divulge have been truly invaluable. I am a different person today, a freer, healthier person because I am telling my story. If you're not telling yours yet, start now.

When Girls Will Be Boys

When Girls Will Be Boys
This was posted in the Women's Studies listserv at my college and I wanted to make sure and present it to you all.

Of course, many trans students identify first as women — as lesbians or feminist activists. They are attracted to women’s schools precisely because of their reputation as safe harbors for exploring these identities. As a result, many transmale students apply to women’s schools and attend them before they have fully come out as “gender nonconforming” — and this is likely to be the case for years to come.

Denburg, the Barnard dean, acknowledges that women’s colleges have always been places “where women can explore definitions and dimensions of gender.” But it is only in the last five years of her tenure as dean, she says, that she has encountered transmale students. She had, she said, no objection to Rey’s attending Barnard. The school has helped other gender-nonconforming students, among them a resident adviser in his senior year, who had to inform his female dorm mates about his gender transition over the summer. Denburg described her work with these students “as an educational journey for me as well, that has helped me to better understand the drive of someone who feels they are in the wrong body.”

think before you speak

Discovered at Awakenings:


I'm sorry, do you understand why. WHY there is more suicide, disease, depression?

Because of you.

I should be surprised. I should be completely appalled, caught off guard. But I'm not. Because this is the type of shit I have allowed myself to absorb for years. Fall of '08 is going to be 10 years since I came out to myself - since I truly recognized my romantic affection for female people. But. This month is only the first year mark of actually starting to come out. A lot of people don't know, still. Tons. But I'm telling them easily, quietly, one by one, that I deserve their respect regardless of who or what I am. Jesus never said one fucking word about homosexuality, because that wasn't the point, or if he did, the writers of the bible didn't consider it important enough to include. The point was purity of intention, purity of heart. Jesus emphasized humility (serving others, having a right self-concept, being a vessel of peace - humility does not equal self loathing). He stressed the importance of loving others, giving of what you have, and being helpful. He wanted us to care for the needy, to spend our money wisely, and to live in peace with others. Sexuality was never the point. Never.

But no. This is normal Christian rhetoric. It's not the truth, but it is displayed as truth. And out of fear, people believe it. For fear of punishment people learn to believe lies.

What lies are you believing? Has someone lied to you about your body? Do you downplay your talents and highlight your faults? Has anyone told you that you're worthless?

As a rule, I don't give readers homework. But will you take some time to ask yourself what lies you are believing about yourself? Get rid of them. Chuck them like old soles. This type of thing is in my top-ten list of things I hate the most. Malicious lies like that might be #1, and misunderstandings is probably #2.

Lesbian Blog of the Year - LAST DAY TO NOMINATE

It's the last day for TLL's Lesbian Blog of the Year award! Only the top five nominees get voted on, so go do it! There are plenty of worthy blogs up for the award, so go give someone, anyone, the recognition they deserve!

GO NOMINATE!

Even though I'm nominated, I'm voting for lesbiandad.net!

Fleshbot Sex Round-up

Tongue-Tied, and I, along with several others, have been featured this week in AAG's Fleshbot Sex Blog Round-up: The writers in today's roundup of some of our favorite moments from the sex blog scene sure know how to get a reaction using their oral skills ...

Erin with a capital oooaaaaahhh

This time, with only two fingers inside, I worked Erin's wet, open cunt and making things up as I went along - imagining rhythms and patterns to her delight. Swearing that I was not in fact a beginner, that I was indeed a seasoned veteran, she came, grinding on my hand and gave a hearty, healthy, "haaah" before she pulled my hand out, off and pulled me close to her, breathing. I sighed, "I love bodies. There's nothing that makes me more angry than when people who have trouble loving their shape." We agreed that was a travesty, and that we loved our bodies. They awoke me at 8:30 to take me back to my car so that I could make my way across the bridge and back to my warm bed.
- Miss Avarice speaks her mind

---

Tenderness

one time
after she came and came
a puddle of her pussy and sweat
on my chest, shoulders, neck, chin, cheeks and so forth
my tongue tingled in
tiny electric shocks and
my lips were swollen and red
for hours afterwards
- Tongue Tied Blue

---

Relying a bit too much on the kindness of strangers

Consequently, his hovering next to a shelf, coincidentally providing him an unobstructed view of the women in question, and idly fingering a movie case he had yet to glance at put him resoundingly in the ranks of the unwashed stalker. I was only too obliged to approach this critter on behalf of the store. I was not subtle in my route toward him and once I drew to within a couple yards of him, he began to pay assiduous attention to the movies arranged on the shelf before him. I wonder if anyone has ever fallen for such a feeble pretext of innocence. It wouldn't be me this night however. I told him he needed to leave immediately. He nodded and started sauntering toward the door, pausing to look at another shelf at one point. I got less polite in my demand that he remove himself from the property with alacrity. I was quite testy when I finally shuffled him out the door.
- Cast Upon the Thorns

sad? s.a.d.!

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quiet dawns

Is it just me or has blog world been quiet lately? And your comments and thoughts have been fewer and fewer. I want to hear what you thought about the weekend with Crave. I want your help figuring out all these dumb feelings that keep popping up unexpectedly. I'm quite alone tonight. I most despised state, as I have said before. I've been waiting for an update from several of you who have not treated me with a recap of the last couple weeks. Hop to it - I'm concerned for you (pl).

define: over the top

How would you wear this gem of a shirt, designed by Date Dyke's very own Cuban Genius?



I know some of you guys think it's a funny term, but I think what I had in mind when I said I felt like a "butch whisperer" was that I feel like my heart sees sadness and calls out to butch hearts - "come here, my sweet! come nestle your face to my bosom and let all your tension melt away, breathe deep cleansing breaths that feed your mind and spirit. come and cry on me and let it all out - all the gender troubles, all the bad memories of immature and manipulative femme ex/girlfriends, and all the various disheartening circumstances of life!" I want to play a part in the healing process of other people.

I know I can't heal everybody, or everything. But what if I can heal a little something, and what if I can do it with sex (something that basically everyone already needs a little healing for)? I think that would be fabulous. So.

Dear the Universe:
I desire to be good at sex - not only for the carnal gratification, though. I wish to be good at using sex for healing people. I welcome the crying and the learning. Teach me to see use sex as a magnifying glass into people's hearts. Teach me to love them gently and fearlessly so that the healing will be "stick."
Love, Miss Avarice

and the nominees are...

Today was a little bit crazy - as you can see in my last post, my morning was really somethin' (for your northern people, that means it was very special). I ended up having some food and going back to sleep until 4 p.m. I called my boss to see if I had flex time available (i get half my shift off, paid, to deal with unexpected "personal issues") and it was, so I had another snack and went back to bed. I didn't sleep well so I'm hoping tonight I will have sweet dreams and deep sleep. Anyway. I went to work at 9:30 p.m., got stuck in traffic, started off the evening with a 15 minute call (bad!) and then we had a long meeting so I only took about 25 calls. On the way home, stopped for gas and cigarettes and got stuck in more traffic (continuous construction from my house to work - nowhere else!).

But anyway, the point of all that was to show that my nomination for The Lesbian Blog of the Year came at just the right moment! I don't like the idea of nominating myself, although it is allowed, but Essin' Em felt that I was deserving enough for her nomination over at The Lesbian Lifestyle. Wow. I'm completely flattered.

"TLL is hosting the 2007 Lesbian Blog of the Year award. We are pleased to begin accepting nominations for this award until February 15th. At which time we will tally the nominations, and vote on the top five nominated lesbian blogs. The winner of the award will ... be listed as the 2007 TLL Lesbian Blog of the year on the TLL website. Good luck to all and keep telling your stories!"

To nominate me (remember - only top 5 nominees have a chance!) click on the badge and put my link in the comments. As cool as it would be to win, I'm in good company. My pals Sinclair, Dylan and Rouge have all made the cut (did i miss anybody?). But you know, who can resist erotic stories and pictures, notes on butch/femme interactions, and gender theory? It would be nice to have someone who's not from the New York / Jersey area on the ballot.

There you have it, a blog born on a breeze, written on a whim, gets a nomination for an "of the year" award. Amazing.




By the way, my dozen peach roses from Autumn are in my large vase on the dresser near the sun. When she gave them to me, I told her the story of how when I was kindergarten I specifically asked my mother to paint my room peach. Not pink, or blue or some other primary color that I would be sure to know by then. But peach. So, they painted the room peach, my bed linens were peach, even a vanity table had been painted peach. So, this new gemini girl who doesn't really know me, picked an uncommon color that matched a story from my childhood. I think she's off to a good start.