As I was reading over Sinclair's anniversary post (Happy 2 years!), I realized that mine was April 26, Saturday, and I totally missed it... I was so busy sleeping and running errands this weekend that I forgot that My blog anniversary was on April 26! I had copied over some of the filtered posts from my old blog to get started, and then wrote my first blog entry.
This blog has been all about handling layers. I have been learning to flip through the pages of our culture, of queer culture, and of the sexualities that we have taken underground, discovering anew the rich history and family that is built around shared secrets. I feel like I joined a secret guild of queer and sex writers who are taking back their sexualities and writing the stories back into the public eye. Keep doing that, and I'll keep working alongside you all. I said:
i shall never lack for conquests, suitors, and worshipers.
but it isn't the lack I fear. It's the abundance. I just want one that I can trust.
one pair of eyes to gaze into, in which to lose myself, wandering. one pair of lips for kissing, for communicating, for caring. one pair of hands for touching, for holding, for safety.
hands that hold me tightly - but not too tightly. hands and arms that wrap around me, assuring me of rest and security. and the breast, the tenderness, compressed against mine, the hope, the health, the future adventures, the trust and companionship. the faith and the forgiveness.
i want it. i want it all. the hands and everything that comes with them. the eyes and everything i see in them. the hips that balance right-and-wrong, new-and-old, truth-and-disguise.
my hands are sun hands.
hands know words that lips can only dream of.
A year later, and at least for now I have found that pair of hands, and everything that comes with them, and we're continuing to discover how our hands fit together. Holding each other's hands, we are learning to walk in one even stride.
I really need to say, too, that the people who have consistently followed my adventures, and encouraged me to write, reveal and divulge have been truly invaluable. I am a different person today, a freer, healthier person because I am telling my story. If you're not telling yours yet, start now.