gender, again, finally!

Today I wish I had a more private place to post my thoughts. I'm feeling so conflicted, and a little bit confused. But calm and steady anyhow.

I'm going to be included in a "blog tour" of an upcoming publication in April so look out for some new information soon!

I have finally developed my thesis for the capstone project I have to do in order to graduate with my B.A. in Women's Studies. It is as follows:


Two main gender presentations, "butch" and "femme," dominated the lesbian community before the women's liberation movement of the 1960's and 1970's. "Butch" women presented themselves in a masculine way, and "femme" women presented themselves in a feminine way. Feminist of the time viewed the butch and femme lifestyle as a replication of the traditional roles within heterosexual relationships.

The 1990's brought to lesbian culture a surge of novels, anthologies, and other writings about the experiences of butches and femmes. Many books focused on the gender transgression of butch women while others focused on the complex relationships that butches and femmes have to one another. I believe this disproportionate focus on female masculinity has attracted gender theorists because patriarchal culture favors masculinity and undervalues femininity. Writings about the experiences of femmes have only recently begun to appear in academia. My research will assess works dealing with butches and femmes, and the availability of scholarship about queer femininity. I hypothesize that a disproportionate body of work focuses on butchness while relatively few works explore queer femininity. An inventory of the available literature will illuminate the overshadowing of femininity within gender theory and lead to a better understanding of the politics of theoretic production.

This was with the help of Tegee, otherwise I really wouldn't have been able to make it sound that smart and scholarly. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty smart, but she made it sound so much more important and big than it actually is! Craziness.

Had a nice day with Dana, did laundry, had tea, we knitted/cross stitched at the laundromat. I realized that not having a washer and drying gets me out of my uberwhiteness a little bit, and maybe I won't get a washer/dryer. Bought a clothes line today, so we can hand wash some small items, and save on laundry costs by drying them at home. It reminds me of Mexico. And that one time in turkey that we stayed in the top floor of a hotel with out own landing so we strung up our clothes there.

I need to talk to someone unrelated to my situation but who still understands what I'm struggling with. Dana wants me to be happy, but she doesn't believe the same way that I do about it, so our discussions are a little bit circular. I think I need a great big hug and a cry. Haven't had one of those in awhile. It's coming, I can feel it.

Survey says...

One of my classes is asking me to gather responses to two very simple survey questions, I'm to get at least ten responses and then report on my findings. So if you want to help me with my homework, e-mail or comment me your responses (include your return e-mail), and I will reply with the disclaimer that basically says who will be using your answers for what, and that they will be anonymous.

I am taking a class at my university called “Men and Sexism" or "Feminism and Men” in the Department of Women’s Studies. Please respond below to the following questions:
1) What do you think sexism is?
2) Do you think feminism is an effective strategy for bringing an end to sexism?

Please fill in the following information:

*Name (you can make one up)
*Gender (and sex, if they are different than "usual")
*Race
*Economic background (For example, do you come from an economic background that you would consider to be: upper class, middle class, working class, or under class [poor]?)
*Sexual orientation
*Age
*Religious affiliation (if any)
*Highest level of education attained
*Response to question 1:
*Response to question 2:

I realize that the answers to this might of sort of biased if I know you folks, so if there are any of you that aren't really in the field of women's/gender studies, please answer! I'm looking for a broad range of answers.

feminine = sexually available?

Aggh. Disgusting! I was out looking for a rental house, as I am pretty much always doing these days, when two men in a city utility truck and asked if I were the owner of the house. Thank God I am not. I said, "No, I'm just checking it out as a rental, why?" They told me the city wanted to know something from the owner, but I didn't know obviously, so I just sort of looked at them. Then the guy in the passenger seat says, "Are you looking for a roommate?" Of course, I said, "No." The other guy thought I didn't hear, and repeated it, "He wants to know if you're looking for a roommate." At this point I'm getting in my car and saying rather loudly "No, thank you." As I closed the door I heard him say, "We could bring in a bunk bed!"

That is so sick. I've been listening to a lot of stories from my friends about the ways that men have treated them, and the part that's so enraging is that it's the women who are in therapy for the ways men have treated them, rather than the men seeking psychiatric help for the ways that they've behaved toward women. Because it's fucking normal for men to be nasty and violent. It makes me want to scream! Part of it probably has to do with my apparent heterosexuality (as a femme) that makes me seem sexually available to all men. Even if I were purely heterosexual that would NOT mean that I am always sexual available. I wish I could communicate in writing how angry I am that I can't go out in public alone without expecting to have to defend myself against these kinds of threats. It is absolutely sick.

Writing for Femme's Guide

For those of you who don't know, I have been contributing to The Femme's Guide to Absolutely Everything since September. I don't like to cross post, and I've done a poor job of letting you all know when I post over there. You can read all my posts here. In lieu of timely announcements, an overview of a few recent posts follows:

In "Thigh Chafing: You Don't Have to Grin and Bear It" I laid out an armory of weapons with which to combat inner thigh chafing. Not a fun thing, yet it's a rather frequent event in the warm Southern climate.

Money Matters I recommended a blog called femme economics at Queercents.com, which deals with creating and maintaining one's femme image on a budget.

I contemplated whether butches or femmes are the "stronger" of the two, in Who's the Strongest?, but I came to the conclusion that we face the world together, holding each other’s hand for confidence and balance.

In the first of two posts I made in preparation for my Queer Theory term paper on femm e and femininity, I chronicled some of the events that lead to The Origin of my Femme Identity. This post was followed by my most recent post, where I came up with four answers to the question, "How Does Femme Queer Femininity?".

One of my goals is to start doing product reviews on makeup items. I've recently been working with mark. makeup and I'm falling in love with their commitment to portable makeup and on-the-go application. I'll be writing that soon, work schedule permitting. I'm working 40 hours this week... haven't done that in months!

Update; sectional.

I've sat down to write several posts recently. I was going to write another excerpt from John Poster's book "Meals for Males" and I got distracted looking at the funny French names he gave his pheasant recipes. Hi-larious.

I also wanted to write about our housing project: we found out Dana's lease is not up until 2/09 so we have a good four months until we move out of this 650 sq ft studio apartment. The house hunt will have to be postponed at least until the first of the year.

My new job started on Thursday. In two weeks I will work a whopping 17 hours - clearly this is not enough, but apparently all the other stores I applied to in our mall are competitors of this store. And the two that weren't sent me a thanks-but-no-thanks letter.

I'm totally jealous of everyone who was privileged enough to go to the NYC Sexbloggers' Calendar debut party. Debauchery was bound to "ensue" as they say. *sigh* Everything fun happens in New York!

My anxiety got the best of me - I am not one for protests because they tend to give me claustrophobia. I did not go, please forgive me. Instead I did my part to further the gay agenda by going to a pet adoption expo!

It is nearing the end of the semester and I will have my nose in actual books for about the next six weeks. One of my final papers is about the writings of Denise Chavez. The other paper will be an "autoethnography" where I talk about the effects of culture on myself as it relates to queer theory. I've chosen once again to talk about the femme identity. My professor wants me to answer the question, "how does femme queer femininity?" for indeed it does. I'm supposed to write about moments in my life that helped to shape my femme identity. I'll write about those scenes another time. I'm a bit behind in homework too, so expect to see and hear from me even less than you already do. I read everyone's writings, but I am just having so much trouble formulating my thoughts.

Next Wednesday I'm being inducted into my university's founding chapter of iota iota iota, which is an honor society for undergraduates focushttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifing in Women's Studies. The color is lavender - isn't that nice? It's named for Inana, Ishtar and Isis.

Dana's new job promised her 40 hours and has totally disregarded that commitment. Although she is getting the most hours out of everyone, she is still getting less than forty. She actually makes less at the new job than she did at the old horrible sucky job because she ended up working overtime before, whereas she is not allowed to now. Looking for new or second job now, as money is way, way tight. With a move on the horizon, we both need to bringing in as much moola as possible. Life is not propelled by my smiling face alone, but by the bank.

Should I or shouldn't I arrange play dates with a certain pair of beautiful people? yea or nay? It sounds like a good idea, I definitely could see it working out, but at the same time there are always risks, you know? I don't want to risk my beautiful partner in exchange for a fleeting thrill. But I also see the value in expanding one's personal horizons. If it happens, I think they're going to have to make the first move.

I'm now uninsured. Health is doing alright, but the main thing is eating right, eating small meals at frequent intervals, and taking meds on time. We purchased a bathroom scale the other day, which is a good measure of how my overall blood glucose is doing. Sugar goes up, weight goes up, and the opposite is also true.

Taking everything into consideration, however, I'm feeling absolutely fabulous. I am more and more in love with Dana. I feel more and more comfortable with our relationship. We talk about everything, we welcome change and progress, and we constantly reaffirm to each other our commitment to making things work. She sure means a whole lot to me.

Stopping the spread of hate...

On October 20, 2008, eight influential lesbian bloggers will launch 8 Against 8, an eight-day collaborative online fundraising drive to defeat Proposition 8, a ballot initiative that seeks to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in the State of California. See the project here.

The bloggers include Pam Spaulding of Pam's House Blend, Dorothy Snarker of Dorothy Surrenders, Grace Chu and Grace Rosen of Grace the Spot, Lori Hahn of Hahn at Home, Kelly Leszczynski of The Lesbian Lifestyle, Sinclair of Sugarbutch Chronicles, Riese of Marielyn Bernard, and Renee Gannon of Lesbiatopia.

The idea came about last Friday when Grace Chu of Grace the Spot logged onto Facebook and saw a few of her Facebook contacts openly campaigning for the passage of Proposition 8 via their status updates. “My initial reaction was to delete them from my Facebook contacts, because if you’re actively campaigning against my rights, you’re not my friend,” she said. “It totally ruined my morning.”

But instead of deleting her contacts, Chu decided to channel the power of the blogosphere to drive much-needed funds into the coffers of Equality California, the umbrella organization of the No on 8 campaign. Over the weekend, Chu assembled eight prominent lesbian bloggers to help get the word out and fundraise on behalf of Equality California’s No on 8 campaign. “Among the eight of us, we reach tens of thousands of eyes per day,” she said. “If we come together in a coordinated and unified effort, we could send a really powerful message, raise a ton of money, and make a real difference in the fight against Prop 8.”

Pam Spaulding of the highly influential and award-winning blog Pam's House Blend urges people to give to the No on Prop 8 campaign in the critical last days leading up to the election. Even if you have already given, it would greatly benefit the drive to defeat Prop 8 to give a little more. “We cannot allow an established civil right in the Golden State to be overturned at the ballot box. Every dollar you can give in these last in these last few days helps fight the dollars donated to enshrine discrimination into California's constitution,” said Spaulding.

Just last week, Equality California had released a bulletin that it was $10 million behind the opposition in fundraising. However, despite closing the gap this past week, there is still a ways to go. Furthermore, many current polls predict that Proposition 8 would pass if the election were held today. "There has never been a more important time for the queer community. This election will change our world for the better or put us back in the Dark Ages. It's not only critical we win for California, but for the rest of the country," said Sacramento resident Lori Hahn, owner of the popular lesbian family blog, Hahn at Home.


Like Sinclair said, In addition to California’s Proposition 8 on the ballot in just a few weeks, Florida has Amendment 2 and Arizona has Proposition 102, both of which would amend their state constitutions to define marriage as between one man and one woman - AND it would make all other unions equivalent to marriage null in the state of Florida (that means civil union, common law marriage, and even domestic partnerships!). Arkansas also has Act 1 on the ballot, which would forbid gay and lesbian parents - and any unmarried parents - from adopting children.

Florida is my home state and from what I have heard about the amendment, it seems like my fellow Floridians are going to pass it no questions asked because the wording is a little ambiguous. It goes like this:

"Inasmuch as marriage is the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized."

Are you hearing what I'm hearing!!! This would mean that if you were married in another state or country, you could potentially be barred from seeing your beloved in the hospital! Think about this, people! It takes away health insurance rights from domestic partnership agreements which are ofttimes formed between elderly couples due to some other legal quagmire. Suze Orman, the First Lady of Finance has endorsed the Say No on 2 campaign, predicting financial disaster because of this amendment. See what one of my fellow Christians has to say about this.

fingers, ugh.

Dana cut her right index finger. Sad! And it's her good hand, too! There was an accident with the meat slicer at work, and the first thing I asked when I got there to drive her to the walk in clinic was, "did you cut it off or just cut it? She assured me that it was just a flap. I won't lie, it's a pretty bad cut that required four stitches and a tetanus shot, but luckily her uninsured self is indeed insured by worker's compensation law. thank god. the doctor who stitched her up could have been queer, but there wasn't any hard evidence. thankfully everything was free, including the script for pain meds -- which means... We got free darvocet! Hah! Not that I would ever break the law and take someone else's prescription. *wink*

We went to see the local vaudeville/burlesque show Saturday night, which was pretty great. It was a little too zombie-centric and I'm really not into the living dead so I was disappointed by that. But there were lots of cute girls in bras and underwear and lots and lots of lesbians. woo! I should say, though, the drinks at this particular club are awful. If you're not getting a shot or a beer, don't even waste your money. Worst cosmopolitan I've ever had, with the exception of the one time the old man behind the bar though a cosmopolitan was vodka and grenadine. Nope! Try again.

There was even one who was about the size, shape and age of Crave and it made me miss her a little bit. I'm ever so fond of her girl-boyness. Crave and I are spirits that speaks the same language, sometimes we chance to meet in a forest clearing where the sun shines down and we share precious few words together. I don't think even we know why or by what means we are so drawn to each other. Strangers.

It was nice to have a date with Dana, to be out and about in public. In the morning I have sooo much homework to do, and I am not looking forward to it. Whoever decided that college should be so much work? Am I just a slacker? I mean. I only work 35 hours a week, but I still feel overwhelmed by all the homework. Blegh. Of course it is women's studies - notorious for tons and tons of mostly redundant, although very interesting, articles and books. We shall see.

Miss you all dearly! Love and kissies!

busy bees

I have to say, and I hate to say, writing here has become somewhat of a chore. It does not flow easily as it used to. I forget the things that I meant to tell you about, and I groan to think of how many days it has been since my last post of substance. I don't even count hits anymore, I can hardly find time to read and respond to the legion butch/femme and sexuality writers out there. And let me tell you, they are legion. The number of people I read now, vs. whom I read a year ago has probably doubled if not tripled. I can't keep up with all your fantastic theory, self revelation and revelry, and even the reality checks that bring things into focus.

I'm not saying I'm going to stop writing altogether, because I'm sure once I get back in the groove of things, I'll be scribbling off notes to myself left and right. I've been very pleased to delve into Queer Theory: An Introduction and American Queer, Now and Then and Gendering Bodies.

If you're looking for great writing about gender troubles or the thin lines between butch and trans, definitely look for writings by the distinguished sociology and feminist professor Dr. Sara Crawley. Ze has several rather engaging publications in print right now, one of which I used for the paper I gave on Femme legitimacy in the queer community. Read "Prioritizing Audiences: Exploring the Differences Between Stone Butch and Transgender Selves". It'll rock your transmasculine world.

Since I have reported myself as somewhat of a sexblog, but more of a life/queerness/women's issues blog lately... I should tell you that the sex is um... infrequent but very, very good. You know it's good when it lasts you a few days. When it's really good, we've found each other saying, "last night was so nice!" I get little text messages saying, "I can't stop thinking about how good you made me feel!" Right now our love is not that voracious, raging, new love. It has simmered and sizzled into a satisfying, comfortable, snuggle-me-at-night love, we are not tragic, we are not heroic, we are not married, she is not my wife. But we coexist so peacefully, she and I.

So many months of begging the universe to bring me someone good for me and here she is. It's not all peaches and cream (oooh... peaches and cream!) -- close -- but it is steady and calm.

I found myself missing the sacred circle of the Body Electric School the other day. Sunday. I had not felt that void in some time, but it was there. A womyn-only-space shaped hole in my heart. Naked singing and dancing hole. A gap the shape of pushing boundaries. A comfortable velvet cloak, that void. I used to talk about the void in Mexico and Cuba...

hay un vacio en el corazon. todas tienen este vacio... y atemptamos llenarlo con cosas varias pero... pero solamente Dios puede llenarlo.

I used to say that only God could fill the void. Now, I think what fills that void is self love. Remember, I used to preach Jesus... but the word "Jesus" came out sound like "love thyself!"

Do it people. Love yourselves. Please do it. It is so very, so very important to me.



I am a lover-healer...
I am a lover-healer...

suspension of heterosexual belief

In light of Sinclair's recent post about the suspension of heterosexual belief, let me tell you about kissing a boy last night.

For me, you see, boys are a great idea in theory but in practice it simply doesn't work. I'm not into their general boorishness, their clumsiness, and apathy toward women's situation, their overall grossness. But Robbie is different. First and foremost he is the husband of my darling Jenny - that alone should be enough for me to think highly of him. Secondly, he is committed to feminist causes, and very supportive and sympathetic to queer politics and theory. A man after my own heart, you see? Add to that, practised, gentle kink and a tastefully open relationship with Jenny. What could be better? I always say, you don't have to be gay to be queer. I'll add to that - you don't have to limit yourself to be gay.

Anatomy aside, Robbie is very keenly the type of boy that I would want if I were into boys. Maybe I am. Or maybe I am only into boys like him. You see, I like masculinity. I love the sort of female masculinity that butch women present and live out. But I can appreciate gentle, sweet boyish boys too. So - is it just the masculinity part? This respectful masculinity that cherishes and protects my femininity whether it comes from a boy or a girl? it's just so very rare to find that in a boy. I dunno what I'm trying to say.

Kissing Robbie in the pool was real-life suspension of heterosexual belief - he's a boy, sure. Masculine, defnitely! But not at all offensive, not at all scary or weird or awkward. I very much liked it.

gasp! i've tarnished my gold star! whatever shall i do?

more of the same, of course.

twice, a bad dream.

I've been having truly awful nightmares.

A couple weeks ago I dreamed that someone gave me this thin, limp, dark haired girl. She was so tiny, and barely conscious. All I knew in my dream was that she was a prop in some art project. A few yards away there was a white wall, and then a glass panel and on the back, a thinly padded wall. At the sound of a shot gun, I was supposed to throw her against the wall, so I did. Instantly I realized my mistake. She (and a several others, alike) slid, dropped to the floor where men in white masks beat them to death. I shrieked as if it had been me who was thrown. I was sickened that I had taken part in it. But I didn't understand what it was before it happened...

Dramatic, no?

Saturday night I dreamed that there were some young children who were being filmed in a children's movie. They all dove into this shallow pool and suddenly the floor underneath the pool began to tilt back and forth, creating bigger and bigger waves. The water began to rise and the children were drowning. We (the adults) tried to save as many as we could but we were struggling to keep ourselves afloat. The adults all piled into an elevator where "5" was the top floor but the numbers were all jumbled up. "5" was really like the 15th floor but like I said, they were mixed up. When we reached the top, safe and sound, I asked someone, "What happened to the children?" She was a thin orange-haired girl with a host of freckles and a warm smile. Maybe you know her. And she said, "Why, they've all drowned". She spoke with a tone of voice that expressed how unfortunate the situation was, but no real remorse or disappointment at all. I was disgusted, and I felt tricked.

Morbid. Why all the dreams about people dying? And no one caring? I don't get it.

I had another upsetting dream this morning but I can't remember what it was. It's just as well, I'd rather not remember.

Am I worried about my big dreams and plans dying? I sometimes dream so big that I have to scale down the grandeur. It hurts.

The Girl Effect

This came to my inbox this morning. I wish that enough people would hear about work that's being done like this and help out but we are often so wrapped up in our own problems. I know a lot of people are struggling with money much of the time, but giving is part of the process of receiving - remember this.

Sexual Orientation Study

From Julie Arseneau:
Below is the announcement for my dissertation study. I'm seeking participation from same-sex attracted individuals. Please consider participating if you are eligible, and/or forwaring this announcement to others. Thank you for your assistance!

We are writing to inform you about a research study being conducted at the University of Maryland on beliefs about sexual orientation held by same-sex attracted people. You are encouraged to participate if you identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, bi-curious, queer, questioning, or otherwise same-sex attracted.

Participation involves the completion of several online questionnaires and will take approximately 20-30 minutes. After completing the survey, you may enter into a drawing for one of five $20 American Express gift cards. You may also assist with this project by forwarding this e-mail request to LGBT-themed organizations and listservs, and/or to same-sex attracted individuals.

Questions about this study may be directed to Julie Arseneau at jra87@umd.edu or Dr. Ruth E. Fassinger at rfassing@umd.edu. This project has been reviewed and approved by the University of Maryland Institutional Review Board.

If you are interested in participating in this study please follow the link provided below or cut and paste the link into your web browser:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=F7GP0BfvernmmL22FwZtfw_3d_3d

i'm on the seven year plan

Summer Course:
3225 Women, Environment and Gender

Fall Courses:
4930 Queer Theory
4262 Literature by Women of the Diaspora
3220 European History of Feminism

Spring 2009
Capstone - Senior Seminar, Take Two

When Girls Will Be Boys

When Girls Will Be Boys
This was posted in the Women's Studies listserv at my college and I wanted to make sure and present it to you all.

Of course, many trans students identify first as women — as lesbians or feminist activists. They are attracted to women’s schools precisely because of their reputation as safe harbors for exploring these identities. As a result, many transmale students apply to women’s schools and attend them before they have fully come out as “gender nonconforming” — and this is likely to be the case for years to come.

Denburg, the Barnard dean, acknowledges that women’s colleges have always been places “where women can explore definitions and dimensions of gender.” But it is only in the last five years of her tenure as dean, she says, that she has encountered transmale students. She had, she said, no objection to Rey’s attending Barnard. The school has helped other gender-nonconforming students, among them a resident adviser in his senior year, who had to inform his female dorm mates about his gender transition over the summer. Denburg described her work with these students “as an educational journey for me as well, that has helped me to better understand the drive of someone who feels they are in the wrong body.”

fun while it lasted.

Fuck!

MY ENTIRE WOMEN'S STUDIES DEPARTMENT IS GETTING CUT.

Fucking cut! Like entirely! Like it's simply not going to exist anymore. And I'm not finished until next FALL!.

*has fit*

I'll update you when I have more information. I'm going to class tonight.

I might be going to massage school sooner than I expected...

Sunday Single Girl's Guide to Entertaining 2

A dinner party for two has got to be one of the most romantic occasions in the world (unless it's a girl from the office) [Wait - that would be awesome!]. Assuming it's a man you're entertaining, pull out all the stops: nice records or a good, unobtrusive radio station for background music, a small bouquet of flowers, lots of candlelight, hot plates, polished glassware and silverware, your nicest tablecloth or placemats, and, of course, perfectly delicious food. Men [or butches, or whoever] really love the whole production.

The Entrees in this section are designed just for two in order to make the shopping and preparation as easy as possible. (No leftovers to worry about, either.)

Nearly all of the preparation - cutting, slicing, dicing, whatever - can be done very quickly and in advance, so that all you'll have to do is put everything together at the last moment. You'll find that the actual cooking will go even faster if you put all your utensils on the stove in advance. Then all you'll have to do is throw things into various pots and skillets.

These recipes do rely on relatively expensive cuts of meat - veal scallopine and steak, for instance. I've found that it's possible to afford two veal scallops (about 3/4 lb.) and 1/8 lb. of proscuitto (sic) ham - which are horribly expensive per pound - because the amounts are so small. The same ingredients for four or six people would be financially ruinous (RUINOUS!) So splurge a little and enjoy. It won't cost that much more than hamburgers.

Suggestions for appropriate appetizers, soups, vegetables and desserts are described in the previous chapter are given. (Not that the mathematical combination of just a few standards or favorites are endless).

HAM ALSACE: This is a French favorite from the province of Alsace - Lorraine.

1 precooked ham slice
1.5 TB sweet butter
3/4 cup grated Parmesan
2/4 cup grated Swiss
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1/3 cup heavy cream

Preheat the broiler. Saute the ham in butter in a skillet. When heated through on one side, turn and heat the other. Mix the grated cheeses with the mustard and beat in just enough heavy cream to make a spreadable paste. Don't let it get thin or runny. Smear the ham with the mixture and put it under the broiler until the top is melted and browned.

(Note: Dijon mustard is hot, spicy brown mustard. The American yellow hot dog mustard won't work in this dish).

Precede with Onion Soup (p. 23). Serve with hot buttered spinach and buttered noodles. For dessert, try Flan (p. 37).

There you have it. Your weekly excerpt from "Single Girl's Guide to Cooking and Entertaining: How to go straight to the heart of your man... easy and delicious recipes and menus for the working girl in a hurry." by Dixie Dean Trainer, which is nowhere to be found on the internet otherwise I would link you to it. I like most of the recipes in this book but I'm simply astonished by the commentary and chapter introductions!

girls are single, women are married?

Went to the thrift store today to see what I could see, and for $.39 I picked up a copy of "Single Girl's Guide to Cooking and Entertaining: How to go straight to the heart of your man... easy and delicious recipes and menus for the working girl in a hurry." Now, don't everybody puke because it's got some really genius ideas in here. I might make Sunday my day for excerpts from this interesting little paperback.

Desserts: My first suggestion about desserts is to avoid them whenever possible. My second suggestion is to make them as simple as possible. And why not? Nobody excpects a single girl to be a baker or pastry chef; those are accomplishments properly belonging to married sisters or maiden aunts. Besides, after a full meal, most people could care less about facing a rich dessert. They are - or should be - completely satisfied by your earlier efforts, or they're watching their waistlines or their cholesterol level. And most important, by the time you, the hostess, reach dessert, you'll need to coast a little. You've planned, cooked, and served enough already; now you need something that requires practically no effort on your part to soothe the nerves (yours) and preserve good humor.

My favorite "dessert" - ditto for most guests - is what someone once called oddments - salted nuts and after dinner mints served with brandy and coffee. You can ad a plate of cookies or petit fours (from the bakery) if you want to make an extravagant gesture. There is a hidden bonus in oddments - people tend to linger at the table, talking, laughing and feeling terribly convivial. As a result they'll feel that you throw marvelous dinner parties, and you'll garner a reputation as a great party giver with no extra effort.

Now you can puke. Look for more horrific quotations next Sunday from this highly significant historical document, written by Dixie Dean Trainer in MCMLXX, whenever that was. Anybody good with roman numerals?

A Matter of Intent

This piece has been featured in 55th Carnival of Feminists and in Sugasm #121

I wrote this paper last semester for my Classic in Feminist Theory seminar. I had been immersed in gender theory the entire semester after discovering some very important sources on lesbian gender, and I want to make this available to you all. There has been a lot of talk lately about wether or not passing is a privilege. I basically stand with Sinclair, that if we start blaming each other and fighting over who's more oppressed or endangered, we are taking our energy away from the important work of making a space for ourselves in society. Butches should not have to feel guilty for any masculine privilege and femmes should not have to be blamed for the flack that masculine women endure for their visible queerness. It's not our fault - it's the fault of homophobic people who hold their prejudice against us. Please don't steal my work - my name isn't in it because this is anonymous, but I feel like it's important enough to share.

Femme: A Matter of Intent

I never grew up as much of a “girly” girl. While I sometimes reveled in skirts and Easter dresses that my mother sewed especially for me, I still wore them to run and play in the dirt, and to climb trees, play on jungle gyms, and swing from monkey bars. Rarely, at least in my very young years, did I notice whether my activities were meant for a boy or a girl, but rather, I enjoyed life for what it was. When I finally started giving myself a gender without the help of my parents, my femininity was noticeably imperfect. I always smudged my makeup by accident, I never matched my clothes very well, my hair was frizzy and I never took the time to make it smooth. I failed at femininity, and there was no one to impress, so I gave up and did “my own thing” throughout high school and until my first few years of college. In the past year, though, I have been rewriting my femininity in the context of a newfound queer community. I’ve known since my first year in high school that I am romantically interested in other women, but it has taken me the last decade to fully integrate myself into queer culture. This queer culture now allows me to define myself in terms of femininity again without feeling shame – my femininity was for the appreciation of other women and not for men, so I had nothing to fear. This time, being feminine meant having the freedom to embrace my gender without being mistaken for something else – for a weak, passive, quiet woman, which I am not. My gender is “Femme.” This title provides me with a way to participate in the current (ancient, endless) job of redefining femininity by queer standards that make a woman strong, daring and loud. That, I can live with!

Description
Historically, three main stereotypes of lesbian gender have prevailed – the archetypal genders, “femme”, “butch” and “androgynous”, and like any archetype would, “all three of these bring images and ideas into lesbians’ minds that are collectively held visions” (Loulan 20). While lesbian feminism sought to terminate the butch/femme dichotomy because of it’s apparent mimicry of heterosexuality, preferring the safety of androgyny, the movement’s effects on butch and femme themselves as valuable signifiers was limited:

Today lesbians . . . still rate themselves on a butch/femme scale. Lesbians still unconsciously know the difference between a soft butch and a stone butch, a femme-of-center and an aggressive femme – even if they don’t admit it . . . Butch and femme are unique archetypes of our subculture. (Loulan 25)

So, with the rejection of butch and femme in the 1970s, androgyny, a sort of “none of the above” category has become the safest space for lesbians within their own community, yet women continue to describe themselves on the butch-femme chart they call “old-culture” (Loulan 27).

The Butch Femme Continuum appears as follows:

Butch <------------------->Androgynous<------------------->Femme

The femme gender is physically and behaviorally similar to the heterosexual female gender, but femmes themselves see the “femme identity as distinct from and critical of naturalized notions of femininity” (Rose and Camilleri 14) because of differences in politics, attitude, and relational styles. In a collection of writings about femmes, Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity, Chloë Brushwood Rose and Anna Camilleri have attempted to define femme saying that “Femme is inherently ‘queer’” (12) and that furthermore,

Femme might be described as “femininity gone wrong” – bitch, slut, nag, whore, cougar, dyke, or brazen hussy. Femme is the trappings of femininity gone awry, gone to town, gone to the dogs. Femininity is a demand placed on female bodies and femme is the danger of a body read female or inappropriately feminine. We are not all good girls – perhaps we are not girls at all . . . Many femmes are lesbians, but femmes are also drag queens, straight sex workers, nelly fags, all strong women (emphasis mine) and sassy men. (13)

Most femme lesbians can even pass for heterosexual women, but do they want to pass? Maybe some do. Telling the two apart – femme lesbians and heterosexual women – proves to be essentially impossible if the analysis is based solely on appearances, so whoever wants to know has to dig a little bit deeper. While feminine lesbians who pass for “straight” may avoid some of the stigma of sexual deviance, they are alienated from the queer communities who feel that their passing status takes for granted the hardships that non-passing lesbians face. Rather, “Femmes who pass against their will hate how they are treated – as unattached heterosexual women” (Loulan 91). A femme by herself is seen as merely a failed heterosexual – she was a “dud” in the way that Freud imagined women on the whole as being “failed” or “incomplete” men. As a femme, I have envied butches and androgynous women for their “visibility” because, at least to me, being visibly queer means not having to deal with as many unwanted advances, not having to “come out” all the time because people misjudge my sexual orientation, and it also means having queer legitimacy because while femmes are radical within their intimate relationships, “femininity . . . cannot be seen as resistant in any capacity” (Maltry and Tucker 94). Rather than being able to pass, some femmes, myself included, might say they actually suffer to pass – queer consciousness underscores the femme existence for femmes’ apparent failure to subvert the heteronormative paradigm. They figuratively lose their “dyke card” even though they choose intimate relationships with other women! Femmes subvert the heterosexual paradigm simply by choosing femininity instead of accepting it as nature’s design.

The butch gender is a masculinity tailored to fit the female bodied, but it is also distinctly unlike that masculinity which biological men may exhibit. The degree of masculinity varies from person to person and throughout time and across cultures, so some women who exist in the periphery of butch identity have struggled at times to be accepted into the informal butch fraternity, depending on which characteristics they adopt and how strongly. Some butch women can pass for men, but by identifying as butch, they recognize their femaleness and so deconstruct any claim by heterosexuals that they are all women who wish to be men. Some butches can also “pass” for women if the necessity should ever arise, but they clearly disdain for such passing when it comes up in conversation. Carol Queen writes endearingly of butch women:

Strong. I mean physically strong. Sexual, with a look in the eye that caresses and undresses. Attitude that comes from never fitting in, maybe from never even having tried. Butch. . . . What is butch? Rebellion against women’s lot, against gender-role imperatives that pit boyness against girlness and then assign you-know-who the short straw. Butch is a giant fuck YOU! To compulsory femininity, just as lesbianism says to compulsory heterosexuality. (15)

Butches are gender transgressors by personal necessity and since the personal is political, the public sees this as an outright political statement. Not so with femmes. But to me, while femme may signify femininity gone wrong, butch exhibits masculinity done right. Not all queer genders are a purposeful subversion, an undermining of traditional and heterosexual gender roles. Rather, it is a matter of individual intent.

While many lesbians may still define themselves by these titles, I have noticed younger dykes have increasingly refused these three labels and the genders that accompany them. Instead, they identify themselves as something other, something outside the butch-femme continuum. They seem to reject gender specifics altogether, but I wonder if we all call ourselves “miscellaneous” how we will know how to interact with one another? Centuries of debate lead us to the belief that gender is not innate, but is rather the set learned characteristics that guide men’s and women’s behavior. The Western mindset has separated the genders into masculine and feminine, but I think the concept of gender is broader than that. I do think it is true, children are socialized to distinguish between genders, and to express a sex-appropriate gender, but I also recognize that I have always been femme in the way that my butch friends have always been butch, regardless of any gendered upbringing. When some of my butch friends were little girls, they squeezed and contorted their boyishness because they were punished for it. They tried to hide it underneath a feminine façade. In that very same way, I also tried to compress and disfigure my girlishness because it attracted unwanted attention. I deemphasized my womanly shape when I grew it, and tried to play tough. Finally, somewhere in our teens or twenties, we realized our true genders and have discovered the bravery to act them out publicly. So, perhaps there is a part of gender that is innate, but we must not mistakenly think that any one gender is “meant” for any particular sex. Yet, it is necessary to define gender in order to determine its origins. Gender is more than just the clothes we wear, but how we wear them, how we feel in them. Gender has to do with manners and mannerisms. Gender is a set of rules by which we regulate behaviors, it is simply another category by which we organize our world into something manageable. I think that gender is also a way of thinking about and interacting with society at large. Our genders give us and others a framework by which to understand each other better.

Analysis
While the femme gender has liberated me from any obligation to meet heteronormative standards of femininity, it has also presented me with a number of problems to work through because invariably, I do meet some of the standards. Just last month I went to a bar by myself (which I do frequently) to meet up with someone I had met a few nights before. Immediately upon arrival, a man commented on my appearance. I was dressed conservatively, wearing business slacks, a pink shirt and a sweater – yet to my disappointment, he conjured up the courage to tell me that I am very attractive. Later, as I sat alone, he joined me again and attempted to make small talk, perhaps hoping to make some kind of connection. I had to tell him outright that I am not interested in men whatsoever, and he was taken surprise! He said, “But you are so beautiful, how can you be like that?” What this gentleman wondered was how I could choose to be a lesbian if I can clearly take my pick of whatever male I want. The idea itself goes back to lesbian pulp fiction of the 1950s where the femme still lacks for sexual agency,

“The feminine invert is either threatened or manipulated into the same-sex sexual dynamic by the masculine invert. She does not then choose her sexual expression, but is coerced into it. Another perception was that the feminine invert expressed inversion because she had been rejected by men and had no other option.” (Maltry and Tucker 89)

The established gender stereotypes for lesbians define all lesbians as being outwardly masculine, such that all masculine women are considered queer, whether or not they are actually gay – and some masculine women are not! To say that all lesbian women are at least a little bit masculine is to completely erase the legitimacy of feminine lesbians. Femmes live in a state of continual “coming out” because their appearance does not fit the stereotype. Even when they do verbally “out” themselves to others, few may believe it, and thus neither queers nor heterosexuals afford femmes a queer legitimacy. In fact, say Maltry and Tucker, “It is precisely the lesbian feminist demonization that permitted the butch to emerge relatively unscathed but that obliterated the femme” (94). So, since lesbians are not allowed to be femmes, they face a compulsory heterosexuality that strips the femme “not only of her identity, but of any understanding of her identity as subversive” (94).

Lesbianism in society shifts the power imbalance away from men and into the hands of women who share their resources, and the comforts of their sex, with other women. With this in mind, if the patriarchal system can make as many lesbians as possible look invisible, then they can believe for a little while longer that men still have an all-access pass to female sexuality. Perhaps, to the mindset of the heterosexual male, if she walks like a straight girl and talks like a straight girl, then she’s fair game – if she’s a dyke, that is ok, he (thinks he) can change her mind. We have discussed in class that most lesbian pornography is geared toward a straight male audience, so men are receiving this message and not thinking critically about it. Logically, it follows that if some girls will kiss other girls for the camera so that he can enjoy it, then any girl who is feminine like them must not really be gay, she’s just showing off, or she just “hasn’t found the right man, yet.” Mainstream heterosexual consciousness cannot conceive of butches and androgynous females as being women because they do not match the gender role established for “woman”, but femmes do match the gender role. By apparently “conforming” (although I dare say a scarce few femme women consider themselves conformists!) to femininity, femmes fall under the category of “woman,” and (at least loosely) fit the beauty standards prescribed by the patriarchy. Thus, as true women, they are for men. But femmes are the epitome of what you see is (not) what you get – they are the very definition of “too good to be true” for heterosexual males because femme is sexy, womanly, and kisses other girls – what more could he want? But it’s a dirty trick he plays on himself. The fact that a femme kisses other girls means that she is not sexually available to him. To him, this is a cruel sabotage.

Vision
The gentleman I met at the bar last month had to ask me how long I have been a lesbian and why I decided to “change” before he could be convinced that I truly was not interested in him! Imagine if I had not had such an effective alibi – imagine if I had been a straight woman. What would I have said? I want to live in a world where femmes and other feminine people can say “no” and not have to repeat or explain themselves to heterosexual men, regardless of their own sexual orientation. I want to be taken at my word; no means no, not yes. We must have an effective way to ward off unwanted sexual comments and advances from people we are not interested in. Females must be allowed to choose their gender and present it accordingly without facing discrimination or erasure of their significance as part of queer society. Perhaps it is too daunting a task to stop everyone from making any assumptions about anyone whatsoever, since we use appearance to label everything – we judge race, class, ability, and compatibility with ourselves based on outward signifiers. I don’t think the system of assumption is intrinsically wrong, but it is misused and its purposes are misunderstood. I hope that in the future we will find some way to acknowledge the existence of stereotypes but not focus ourselves so very intently upon them that we are blind to any variation. What fortune have I, that my femme gender mocks the gender assigned to my sex, but not everyone has that luck! I want gender to be a safe space for people, I want it to be a way that we can call ourselves the same and different without fear.

I almost wish I could actually have that proverbial “dyke card” which I could flash if I ever need to become visible at a moment’s notice. If any polite but determined gentleman should approach me again, I will be able to put a stop to his insistent, “But why? What does she have that I don’t have?” simply by showing my smiling face on a shiny laminate card labeled “Dyke // Class: Femme // Name: None of Your Business.” But it is not that simple. After thinking over and over about how femme women might become outwardly visible, I have come to the conclusion that it is simply not possible with the current state of Western society. We will have to redefine the meaning of femininity and write queer femme into the script.

Strategy
Radical feminist thought has the best chance of actually working out a solution to this problem compared with other feminist traditions because it requires a total rethinking of what it means to be woman and what queer looks like on the body of a female. I am compelled to bulldoze the entire structure and start new from scratch but that is a task that requires the cooperation of a multitude of people. It requires that the infrastructure of gender roles and stereotypes be utterly demolished and replaced by some other relational system. For the time being, I will suggest some minor renovations that are more easily accomplished, and may be considered stepping stones toward a free future. I do not wish to do away with gender “roles” entirely because I value the “naming” of things, I have found freedom in my title, but we must have the freedom to choose between roles.

Firstly, I want to encourage the people who revel in contradictions to continue to do this revolutionary work, and not to limit themselves to likeminded communities – go out and become a missionary to the masses and show them that some dykes are girly, and many gay men are masculine, and that transgender and genderqueer people exist! That is an extravagant dream, and I wonder how many brave souls there are who will actually pursue it despite the prejudice and discrimination that persists. Femmes themselves will be the most important catalysts in changing the “female = feminine = straight” thought process by putting on their big girl underwear and going out, loud and proud, in the world. Femme has to start speaking up for herself and writing herself back into the history of the women’s movement and into the story of lesbian history, where whoever’s in charge has made her existence insignificant.

Secondly, the educational system will require a complete overhaul, at least where gender socialization is concerned. Children need to learn that gender diversity exists and that there are (or there should be) very real consequences to discriminatory practice based on gender identity, or on anything else for that matter! We must re-educate teachers about child gender socialization so that they will know how to reinforce and encourage children’s individual gender expression, whatever it may look like. This goes for gender, but, as always, the situation is even more complicated by the race and class. Where discrimination exists based upon one thing, it has the potential to exist on the basis of anything else.

Promoting the visibility of femmes also requires that we establish a body of writing that validates femininity in the queer existence. I think it is reasonable to believe that writers started all previous revolutions by writing honestly about their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Perhaps these papers were passed around in secret and everyone added his or her ideas to the back of the book until it was full. And when everyone had read it, finally everyone agreed and a unified movement began. This revolution starts with Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity, and with the fearless individuals who make it a habit of saying “no” and meaning it. In the end, femmes and other feminine people would never have to say no more than once in order to be heard. The revolution would result in femme queers getting their voices back from a life of having proverbial laryngitis. Femme would be a legitimate, subversive, recognizable queer existence that does not trivialize the struggle gender non-conformant people endure.

References:
Brushwood Rose, Chloë and Camilleri, Anna. “Introduction, A Brazen Posture.” Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity. Ed. Chloë Brushwood Rose and Anna Camilleri. Vancouver: Arsenal Pulp Press, 2002. 11-14.

Loulan, Jo Ann. The Lesbian Erotic Dance. San Francisco: Spinsters Book Company, 1990.

Maltry, Melanie and Tucker, Kristin. “Female Fem(me)ininities: New Articulations in Queer Gender Identities and Subversion.” Femme/Butch: New Considerations on the Way We Want to Go. Ed. Michelle Gibson and Deborah T. Meem. New York: Haworth Press, 2002. 89-102.

Queen, Carol A. “Why I Love Butch Women.” Dagger: On Butch Women. Ed. Lily Burana, Roxxie and Linnea Due. Pittsburgh: Cleis Press, Inc., 1994. 15-23.

no, i didn't win the lottery

Miss Avarice has shopped.
No, I didn't win the lottery,
I just have really good credit.
This shopping trip will probably
last me until the summer time!

From the jewelry store:
Diamond Ring: $975? Hardly. $292.50
Aquamarine Ring: $189.? Try $56.70
Black Pearl Earrings: $100? Half. $50.00
White Pearl Earrings: $59? A mere $18

I apparently shopped on the right day because my favorite place for clothing was also on sale. Pretty much everything in the $30-$50 range was $6! When I checked out, Rather than my receipt showing $440, it was $171. For two whole bags stuffed full! Mostly sweaters and a jacket for colder weather, stocking up for times when I will be heading northward. I also grabbed some yoga pants, a denim skirt, dress pants, and shelf tanks. From another store I grabbed a couple of thin, long-sleeved shirts for the dreaded Camping Trip which I have been conned, coerced, and otherwise required against my will to attend. Finally, I finished off with two new bags, a small red and a mediumish blue. My friends make fun of me for how incredibly large most of my purses, and I general stick to one style, so I purposefully picked bags that are definitely not my style - it's time to branch out.

Speaking of heading northward, my mind has been in "please god, anywhere but here" mode and I have been curiously investigating places like Brooklyn, Jersey, Portland, and Washington State as a future home once I have finished my Women's Studies degree - although I'm sure the studying will have just begun by that point! Of course this is not for another year or so, but moving that far away from home deserves some thorough preparation. Why move across the continent you ask? Eh. I require constant change to exist. My spirit must always be moving. And I've said many times before, I have never felt so content in any other situation than I feel when I am in transit from one place to another. Whether it's driving to work, driving to see a friend who lives out of town or flying to an entirely different city. My most favorite feeling is walking down a street that I have never been on before. That's why it didn't take me long to get on board when Kay suggested that they might be skipping town in the next year or two also...

Shnow Vite

I met Suzanne tonight at the coffee house. She's working on a new performance piece about immigration, which is very interesting. Her previous monologue, called "The Feminazi" where the speaker is on a man hunt for sexist pigs, treats the dark shadows of patriarchy to a little ray of comic light, which pleases me.