Prop 8: The Musical?

I found this gem on Dark Musings

New Horizons

I took a really big step toward wellness today by quitting my job. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to look for a job, but the benefits are outweighing the consequences at this point.

You see, since I took the position with this company, my daily medication count went from two (allergies and birth control), to seven. I won't bore you with the list, but it is absolutely maddening.

In April of this year I found out that I am diabetic. I knew it was coming and I couldn't stop the process. I worked really late at night, even into the wee hours, and when I came home from work, I would be so tired that all I could think about doing was eating a package of ramen, or a past and sauce and then going to bed. That was a recipe for disaster. Not only that, but the fact that when you are pre-diabetic, or insulin resistant, your body requires frequent small meals to keep sugar and insulin levels steady. Add to that all the fast food (read: chick-fil-a, nature's table, etc.) that I ate because I did not make the time to prepare my meals, nor did I have the time to get a healthy sit-down dinner on a half hour break. Not possible. So! All the rushed eating, and then sitting down for hours and hours a day with a direct requirement -not- to walk around... I think this also could have caused the Acid Reflux disease.

The sedentary nature of a call center job, coupled with the high stress levels is a deadly mixture. High levels of stress raises both insulin levels and cortisol, both of which are chemicals that cause your body to store fat. So, stress makes you fat and then fat stores estrogen (exacerbating my PCOS) and also makes it harder to control blood sugar (hence causing my insulin resistance to be pushed over the edge to full on diabetes).

Do you see where I'm going with this? The list of cons is so long. For serious. This afternoon I've been dealing with some anxiety issues, some second thoughts:

Did I speak to soon? Should I have taken the LOA they offered?
Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
Couldn't I have waited to quit until I got another job?
Should I have put my big girl panties on and sucked it up for another two weeks just so I could be considered "rehirable?"

I think the answer to all of these questions is "no" but they are definitely important things to consider. The fact that not wanting to come to work has kept me up all night worrying, and that I've awoken with tears for the same reason tells me that it's time to move on. I have enough savings to get me through a couple months actually, so if I just need to go on furlough, I'll do it. I'm going to take the next few days to decide that.

when it rains, it pours.

I'm having a hard time you guys.

10/10 is when my dad died, to start things off.

on top of that, work had a "clarifying conversation" with me tonight, which is the first step in a very long process that culminates in getting fired if you don't get the hint to resign quick enough. It's because my job is collections, and I don't like taking money from poor people even when they signed up to be robbed anyway.

worried about my mom's job sitch, too.

And I had an appointment with the my PCP and all seemed fine until labwork came back saying that my Hemoglobin A1c was higher than it was when they started treatment for diabetes. normal range is like under "5" and mine went from 6.5 to 7.5 in the past six months. It was definitely not a drastic change, nor was it over a short period of time, but a lab nurse called the next day and was trying to force me into taking another medicine. I wanted to know what it was for, I wanted to know why the doctor picked that medicine over another medicine, and I wanted to know for chrissakes why I'm 24 years old with relative good health and taking 7 pills a day. The number keeps rising every 2 months and I swear to the gods it has to STOP somewhere. It has to.

On top of my health, Dana's has several pretty worrisome health concerns that are too private to talk about in this space. And there's nothing I can do to help, so I just have to be as supportive as I can and try not to let it all overwhelm me.

I'm probably not doing so great emotionally at the moment because this is day 2 back on my birth control pills which is to regulate my period. I have polycystic ovary syndrome according to the doctors who could find no cysts (yet a disease involving cysts was their diagnosis as to why I don't get a period unless it's pharmaceutically induced?). SO starting a new pill pack after having been off it since June due to a screw up at the pharmacy after my annual checkup. Not fun.

Add to all this the school work I'm supposed to be doing. And the guilt I feel over the fact that half of my medical problems are actually preventable with appropriate diet and exercise. I feel like my collections job is actually causing my health to decline. Stress levels raise insulin and cortisol and all that stuff, causing me to gain wait, and then my PCOS gets bad... It's all interrelated and I feel like I have no control over it even though it's technically controllable without the use of drugs.

And what do I do about my job? I hate my job and I think this conversation with my boss tonight was basically the universe saying "HEY! Quit whining and go find a new job!" The trouble is that it is not so easy.

Dear the Universe,
I am in very dire need of an emotionally fulfilling job that gives me flexible hours, supports my school schedule, pays my bills, and makes me feel like I am making a difference in the world. I would prefer it to have nothing to do with sales or collections - other people's money is really not my thing. Please also include health benefits and pto.

Thanks,

Miss A.

stressed. overstressed.

i should tell you quickly, before I rush off to work that Dana has a friend working as a technical writer / editor for a company in a neighboring metropolis and she submitted her application today since the company is looking to hire someone entry level - within ten years all of the other writers will have retired!

i was up all night wednesday night fretting over how much a hate my job. that is usually a sign that it's time to quit and go somewhere else, but at this point money has a choke hold on me. i'm good at my job, i'm a fantastic worker, but i'm missing out on my college experience, and i'm pimping out my emotions for this call center job. i feel like i'm doling out my sympathies in return for money. I'm drained.

so i called out yesterday and submitted about 15 applications online. by the way, Monster.com is full of pure bologna. I had much better luck with the other sites.

i took Dana to school with me yesterday and we put up fliers about the ex girlfriend's motorcycle which she dumped on us three months ago. we want it out of our lives now, do you hear me universe??

and i want an emotionally fulfilling job that meets me needs, dammit!

best wishes to y'all. regularly scheduled smut, gender commentary and cultural critiques will resume soon. when? I'm not exactly sure.

Prudence

Logo's Big Gay Sketch Show has a sketch about Suze Orman's television financial planning show wherein Julie Goldman is dressed up in her business casual best talking to lesbian callers about their financial troubles. One caller had a volunteer position, another made pretty close to minimum wage - the stories were pitiful. She was especially concerned to hear when lesbians weren't saving for retirement. The sketch, totally hi-larious. Nearing financial ruin at an ever increasing pace, not so hilarious.



Tuesday I saw a financial planner. I checked out my score online, I calculated my debts and assets, and I prepared myself for bad news. On the contrary, I'm actually not doing so bad. I have money in a 401k with my company, I'm not completely illiterate when it comes to financial options, and I've got a lot of ambition. I'm in full blown debt-smashing mode. I'm ready to opening a Roth IRA (for the poor folks!) and I'm sending more and more of my money back into my credit cards. Two trips to NYC in the past 12 months had me on the edge. Being financially responsible for my beloved cousin and her son for two months really tipped things over the edge. She's paying me back, but I'm realizing that I will have to pay back my creditors faster than she can pay me back. Basicaly, I need to pay back my debts yesterday. I cringe thinking about all the money that has gone into interest which I could have been saving! Avoid interest-charging debt like the plague people! Don't touch it, don't even go near it!

Now is the best time to redirect the financial path you're on. I've been working through some of Suze Orman's Financial Planning Workbook. Some of the exercises are a little funny, especially the one where I have to repear my financial mantra 75 times per day. I don't have time for that. But the exercises helped me figure out my greatest money fear:

I'm afraid of being stuck in a job that I hate just because it pays the bills, which also means that I can't have very much fun.

I think this stems from my mother because throughout her life I've rarely seen her spoil or pamper herself on little things (much less extravagant things) to reward herself for her perseverance. She's always held on to her cash because she needed it to pay a bill, to buy needful things rather than spending it on folly. My backlash to this has been to overspoil myself on a rather frequent basis because I don't believe that I deserve to do without the things that I want. Hence, credit card debt.

So, my financial mantra is:

I have an emotionally fulfilling job that meets my needs and allows me to spoil myself on occasion.

This is affirmation doesn't work without my effort, obviously, but I definitely confident and capable of achieving this kind of lifestyle. It's coming, folks. I can feel it! I'm ready for it, I welcome that easy lifestyle that gives me the things I need and doesn't hold me back from the things I want, all the while working a job that feeds my spirit with positive things.

Speaking of which, I applied to a job with a trade school here in town as a recruiter. How can you go wrong with an education? I can't sell TV's or porcelain figurines, or used cars, but I'm sure I can sell the benefits of an education. A definable skill, a clear career path, and greater earning capability. Here's hoping that I can get an afternoon or morning interview rather than an evening one that I'd have to call out of work at my current job to attend.