New Horizons

I took a really big step toward wellness today by quitting my job. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to look for a job, but the benefits are outweighing the consequences at this point.

You see, since I took the position with this company, my daily medication count went from two (allergies and birth control), to seven. I won't bore you with the list, but it is absolutely maddening.

In April of this year I found out that I am diabetic. I knew it was coming and I couldn't stop the process. I worked really late at night, even into the wee hours, and when I came home from work, I would be so tired that all I could think about doing was eating a package of ramen, or a past and sauce and then going to bed. That was a recipe for disaster. Not only that, but the fact that when you are pre-diabetic, or insulin resistant, your body requires frequent small meals to keep sugar and insulin levels steady. Add to that all the fast food (read: chick-fil-a, nature's table, etc.) that I ate because I did not make the time to prepare my meals, nor did I have the time to get a healthy sit-down dinner on a half hour break. Not possible. So! All the rushed eating, and then sitting down for hours and hours a day with a direct requirement -not- to walk around... I think this also could have caused the Acid Reflux disease.

The sedentary nature of a call center job, coupled with the high stress levels is a deadly mixture. High levels of stress raises both insulin levels and cortisol, both of which are chemicals that cause your body to store fat. So, stress makes you fat and then fat stores estrogen (exacerbating my PCOS) and also makes it harder to control blood sugar (hence causing my insulin resistance to be pushed over the edge to full on diabetes).

Do you see where I'm going with this? The list of cons is so long. For serious. This afternoon I've been dealing with some anxiety issues, some second thoughts:

Did I speak to soon? Should I have taken the LOA they offered?
Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
Couldn't I have waited to quit until I got another job?
Should I have put my big girl panties on and sucked it up for another two weeks just so I could be considered "rehirable?"

I think the answer to all of these questions is "no" but they are definitely important things to consider. The fact that not wanting to come to work has kept me up all night worrying, and that I've awoken with tears for the same reason tells me that it's time to move on. I have enough savings to get me through a couple months actually, so if I just need to go on furlough, I'll do it. I'm going to take the next few days to decide that.