28.12.07

naked on the internet

I used to talk to boys on the internet.
You know. Dirty talking.

Yep. I've been a dirty girl for years and no one knew. When I was in Jr. High, I would use my knack for language to describe... things. By that point I had already (ehem) blossomed into my full figure, so just telling the boys about that would turn them on. Later, in High School, I would stay up late at night after mother had gone to bed. On the family computer, I would tell these faceless boys how wet the conversation was making me get. I would wear long T-Shirts into the living room so if anyone woke up, it wouldn't look suspicious. I would touch and tease my labia, learning what felt good and what felt better.

In English and Spanish, I won them over.

Sometimes I told them lies and sometimes I told the truth. Sometimes I was a skinny brunette. Sometimes I was a curvy blonde, like me. Sometimes I lied about my size. And some nights I just wanted someone who didn't care. I think I remember feeling appreciated. And thankful. Even in my first year of college, I would talk sex with boys on the internet. It took me away from the very real isolation and depression that I battled for two entire semesters.

God was big in my house. I still, still, still have to work through a lot of guilty feelings about the sex I have with myself - No... not just with me, with anyone. Sometimes the mood strikes me. Sometimes I want to use my words, my charm again. The allure of revealing myself through language.

Maybe that's why I write in this space? Because I love so dearly to keep the multitude of you tied up and intoxicated by the thought of me, naked in bed, reclining, typing on my laptop all the dirty things I'd do to you if I could.

What would you do,
and how would you do it,
if you could?
Tell me, baby,
I'm listening.


(Naked on the Internet)

2 comments:

Dylan said...

I had a close friend you engaged in a lot of internet cybering and such when we were younger.. middle school, high school. I always was so worried for her. I'm glad that sex blogging is a way to achieve those same feelings and express ourselves... without being used and objectified in the way girls so often are in IMing/chatroom scenarios. Blogging gives us back our power!

yogurt said...

I think we always had our power. At least, I felt like I did back in my AOL days...