Earlier I had seen her looking bored ... down. I asked her if she came here to have fun and she nodded yes. I asked, "are you doing that??" she nodded no. She didn't want to dance, but maybe she might like to talk. I said she could come find me when she would like to do that.
An older butch latina, probably in her early forties. Newly single, she's moved out and all, it's a done deal. She was in that breakup "daze" where you're trying to have fun but all you can feel is incomplete. At least that's how it seems to me. Since I've never had the misfortune of a breakup. (We won't count the two that don't count).
"So, how old are you?"
"Well, I'm twenty---x"
"ahh. Don't you wanna know how old I am?"
"It doesn't matter to me."
"OK, so are you bi or gay?"
I crossed my arms and gave an indignant look. "Hmm, so it's because I'm femme right?" She nodded "well, yeah..."
"I'm a dyke"
"Ok, well that's good - Are you into older women?"
"Yeah, well, seems like all the butches my age are into skinny girls or each other."
I shouldn't have said that. I should have just said yes. Because I'm increasingly finding that I am. I can't find that "classic butch" type in anyone my age. Around here, they're quite frequently thugs or jocks that fit those obnoxious stereotypes. I want a gentleman (butch) who's intelligent and mannerly, but not uptight.
"So, have you ever had a lover?"
Is that what it's called? I've never heard it called that in anything except old lesbian gender books from the 90's.
"Uhh... see, that's kind of a complicated question."
"What, it's not complicated!"
"I guess, technically no. But um. It's because I only came out a year ago - I mean, I knew waaay before then, but ..."
She walked me to my car. I told her I was glad she was able to get out and relax. She wished me a safe drive home.
Am I lowering my standards by consciously including older women in my pursuit of companionship? Or does this still count as exploring my options? I like grown up butches that don't actually look/behave like 15 year old skater boys. If grown ups are the only ones who can match my style, then what's the big deal?
Gem was dancing again tonight, and she makes me question my no-femmes rule. She totally nibbled on my cleavage and bit me -AGAIN-. Didn't leave a mark. I was wearing a knit top with a serious low plunge. And this sugary, tiny little confection, Lizzy who looks like a cheerleader but she's so incredibly giving! She called me a shy girl, but little does she know that she's one of those femmes that makes me want to top. Luna asked if the drinks she made me a couple weeks ago had scared me away because I hadn't been back. Of course, Miss Avarice cannot be scared by alcohol! I guess I have better things to do than go out drinking alone, eh? That's a good sign. I ran out of tip money too fast, they deserved it.