shifting gears

i promise you will hear nothing of my NYC trip for at least the next week. i swear! not a peep!

I received another anonymous comment last week:
How do you find that hetero standards of femininity are different than queer standards? (If a separate 'queer standard' exists at all)

Just curious.

I've been trying to think through that question, but I don't think I've come to any conclusive answer. Perhaps what I meant by "heterosexual femininity" is really just Western standards for feminine beauty. Thin, pretty, well-kept. But Jennie's right - the standards are bullshit, no one lives up to them and they're harmful! That's been one of the major themes in my Womens Studies classes, and in my own social activism. (Social Activism? Telling women they're beautiful no matter what, that it comes from inside - telling them to be who they are, to find out where their beauty originates and express it the best way they know how. Telling them to fuck the media and flaunt their curves... and doing that very same thing myself).

But that still doesn't explain to me why I feel infinitely more comfortable in the gown of femininity now, than I did before I began this rebirth. My best guess is that it's because all... many... gender expressions are "acceptable" within the queer community. Wearing femininity now isn't about trying to prove myself... (wearing dresses and skirts to hide the fact that I'm "unfeminine" in other ways. commenting on handsome boys just-frequently-enough to keep questions at bay. hiding my feminism lest i be labeled a man-hater. [i do these things less and less. it's getting better])

Now, wearing femininity is about being myself. loving myself. Being femme is about communicating queerness to others, even though I'm still trying to learn how all that works. By being femme I'm healing a lot of wounds that I had tried to cover up with shapeless tee-shirts, slack jeans and sneakers. (don't worry, I'm sending them all to the thrift store!) I'm taking back my femme power from the patriarchy that told me femme is synonymous with powerless.

Which, by the way. Exactly how does one get a "date"? I believe it has quite a lot to do with not working an overnight shift, that's for sure.




So I guess I do and do not have an answer to the question.