3.3.08

expanding and contracting

Since the beginning of the year I've been expanding. Growing. Spiritually, like a rubber band, i've been expanding, stretching, expanding, stretching.

At the CBE we talked about expanding and contracting. Sometimes you endure so much growth and then something hits you, some reality check snaps your tension and you contract back to where you started. Or maybe not all the way back, but you lose some of the tension...

And that's what's been happening to me. I had expanded so much because of my experiences with Autumn, Crave and Erin and I didn't give myself much space in between to recover. I'm not going to lie, you have to understand that before 2008, I only had one other sexual experience which involved anyone besides myself...

I don't know what made my tension go loose, but it has. Perhaps all the pressure of my mother being ill, locating suitable housing, trying and failing to keep up in school, switching to a new work schedule... It just seems like it's either all or nothing. Either life is peaceful or chaotic - can't find a manageable middle ground... I know I'll regain my elasticity, but I'm feeling deflated.

4 comments:

mnwhr said...

I think the body/spirit will reset to it's optimal state of equilibrium and that will happen if you contract or stretch too much. The key is that during periods of contraction you don't "lose" what you'd gained, it's all part of the new you.

ladybrettashley said...

yeah, i think there is some kind of middle ground that is, maybe, the "best" place to be, but it takes a lot of fluctuation to find it - you overshoot one way, and maybe overcompensate for that later, but you learn things, and get closer to your center as you go. like a spring. that's the picture in my head, at least

Pati said...

I love you.

dawnfresh said...

Things settle down back into a nice calm shape when the time is right. *checks watch* Is the time getting there yet?

I'm not anxious or overwelmed.. simply content and free floating,,,, (I love commas) feeling like things are.. happy... taking time and making time for the things that are peaceful and harmonious is a learned skill that is beginning to work its way into my life.

Ms. Siren of the jagged rocks, you are welcome to hop aboard my sailing ship of wandering stability (if there ever was such a thing or such an occassion.) ;)