20.2.08

sizing up

I finally went through some of my clothes tonight and threw away everything that no longer appeals to me. Over the past two years I have gained back all the weight that I had lost, so I had to get rid of guilty clothes that tell me I'm not the right size. I held on to some clothes that don't fit, because I will probably be able to fit in them again soon enough. I did get rid of pants that do not fit my body shape correctly - the ones that are for the hour glass figure - I'm more of an apple shape. skinny butt, big torso.

Had a talk with a [spiritual] cousin of mine... it's eating disorders awareness next week on campus and she has struggled with EDNOS for a long time. She says, she wants to be skinny because she loves how people compliment her on her body. She loves how much her boyfriend delights in her thinness. She feels desirable.

I'm practically twice her size. And I get plenty of compliments on how I look, and I still feel very attractive, even desirable! Even at nearly double her weight, I'm pleased with how clothes look on me, and obviously. Obviously there have been people who like my body. So what's the difference? Tell me.

6 comments:

lady brett said...

a few thoughts (you could approach this one from a million directions, so these are my main ones):

you get used to yourself as you are. like, i'm skinny. and, while i know a number of girls who are a lot bigger than me who are (oh-my-god-)damn sexy, i think that if i gained much weight i would feel like i wasn't sexy anymore. like, somehow, it can be totally hot on other people, but since it's not me the way i'm used to me being, i would be really self-conscious about it. maybe that is...i had to learn that i look good like i am, and it's like i'd have to totally re-learn it if i looked notably different.

also, self-confidence is all well and good, but there is nothing like other people's approval to get you there in the first place. how your boyfriend(etc.) likes you best has a big effect on how you like you best. i highly recommend dating someone who likes things about you that you never did to get a better body image - might be one of the best lasting things i got out of my relationship with jake ;D

and, well, culture, culture, culture! basically every study done on the issue says that men history and the world over like women with curves...except for modern americans. stupid pop culture...god knows, curves are what make women so sexy.

Robin said...

Lady Brett is spot on. I deal with dieting folks every day on a forum (lead a group) and the biggest thing I have seen is that people have to be able to like themselves as they are. They have to find the good qualities in themselves and be able to see it. Most the time I find folks who can't do that and only are able to feel good and gain that self confidence through the eyes of another. This isn't a good thing since that effect is only good while the outside influences are there. It goes out the window if they lose that positive influence.

It was amazing for me to watch a friend of mine who was quite confident and happy with her weight at 300 pounds in comparison to someone who had 20 pounds to lose and constantly complaining and unhappy. My friend oozed sexiness and it just radiated from her. She dressed well and carried herself with that air of confidence. She knew she could lose some weight but until that happened she was quite satisfied in being the best she could be.

Miss Avarice said...

Robin, I always love your insight! It's nice to have approval from others, but it has to be settled in your spirit that you are valuable and important...

mnwhr said...

As a man who works in a university setting I notice that those who have the right balance of social support and positive self image are the ones who struggle less with weight/diet issues. Good friends who reinforce your own notion of how great you are seem to be the best thing going. It took me a while to figure that out because as a black man, I was used to sistas who loved there bodies curves and all.

Dylan said...

I think having confidence in whatever body you're in is an amazingly priceless trait to aspire to. No matter what you look you, you can always find things to want to change... but being able to look in the mirror each day and like who you see, really starts the day out right. I'm glad you have this attitude!

dawnfresh said...

You are damn sexy. Your body is no small but it is not fat, either. You are the size that I am most attracted to. You and I weigh about 5 lbs within each other. I think I have an eating disorder. We will talk about this sometime soon. I'm in class and it is ending. Reading your blogs and loving your voice and thoughts and becoming.. enamoured.