27.2.08

oh momma

I wish my mother would get some help. As far as I know, she hasn't told a soul that I'm gay, in this whole year that I have been decidedly out to her. She needs some safe space to cry so that she isn't doing it alone in her little house on a mountaintop. She told me she had a little break down on Valentine's day about me - all that means is that she cried about it. Which is good, sure that's great, but she's having a lot of trouble with it and she won't admit it to me. She's trying not to hurt my feelings, trying to be supportive supermom who's totally unphased by the numerous crazy schemes of her children. I suggested she talk to her best friend, who is like my aunt. Even though that's scary for me, I'd rather she have someone she trusts know, than maybe someone she doesn't. She's not taking care of herself in that way. She's bottling it up inside and there's nothing that I can do about it.

There's also nothing that I can do about the fact that she is going to have surgery soon and I can't be there to help her. I mean, I could use up all the rest of my paid time off that I have worked so hard to save up so I can go to michfest in august (so far I have just under 3 days to use). And that is a small price to pay, but it's also going to cost me $400 for a flight there and back. This is why I didn't want her living alone in a little cabin on the mountain with no one to keep her company. My grandmother was going to go, but she is having a very sudden surgery for gall stones and some kind of abdominal mass (could just be inflammation but they won't know until they go in and look). I don't have $400 to drop just like that. My rewards airline doesn't fly to where she lives, and since she lives in a tiny little town, you can't get there by plane, you have to fly to the next closest international airport. Apparently no one else can do it, which I find hard to believe, but she swears it's true. and she doesn't want to get a nurse because it'll cost her money and the person probably won't walk PJ.

It's going to snow soon.

Dear the Universe, two things, Health for my mom and grandma please, and then some help finding someone to stay with mom after her surgery - someone that she will trust, who will be very kind to her when she is in pain, and who will take the dog for walks and make her generally feel well taken care of - not something she feels very often, she's like me, a do-it-yourself type of gal... <3

2 comments:

GreenEyedGrrrl said...

I realize you have a problem getting the days off but if you can swing that, I'm sure people would chip in to help you with the airfare. I would gladly put in
$50. I know that you are not asking for help and that you are just venting but I think that it's really important for you to be there with your mother.

ladybrettashley said...

*hug*
there's more where that came from - watch out
(also, what she said, really)