studious

I've been engaged in a (very academic, intellectual) study of topping and bottoming lately. Translated into plain English, that just means I've been watching a lot of butch top/femme bottom porn.

But it's always these little things about the scenes that I notice, that really get to my spirit. Especially in real-life couples who are deeply communicative. For example, there's one I've encountered where the femme bottom is kneeling, giving the strapped butch top a blow job. This would be a very ordinary scene if it weren't for the fact that they were holding hands.

They were holding hands.

In another scene that's been completely rocking my world lately the butch barks out several commands, the femme obeys beautifully, then the butch says, "thank you". That gives me chills, it just hits me in an lovely, odd way.

"head down" --- "thank you"
"legs up" --- "thank you"
"more, more" --- "thank you"

Later, she said, "tell me what you want" (paraphrased: ask for what you want) and the femme gives her request ("please I want your face in my pussy" prettily) and then gets complimented on it "yes, that's very nice". Later, struggling to get her whole hand to get in and stay in, the top gives the bottom a fierce look and says, "NO - hold on to it!" If I were being ordered around, I would want to be thanked for being obedient. And I would want to be pushed to my limits with insistent commands because she knows what I really want. A polite, a generous, a careful top that cradles the bottom's vulnerability in her arms.

She says "thank you".

I want to learn from these fucken hot femme bottoms how they "do it". I want to be a good bottom, I want to react with my voice and my body. These femmes aren't afraid or shy to let out these wonderfully loud, deep, gutteral, passionate sounds and I think I'm rather afraid of making noise. But I don't want it like that.

I want it loud and courageous.