5.10.07

i'm leaving in the morning, so let's not be shy

I got about a mile down the road after leaving work today and I started laughing out of the blue. And then I started crying. It was one of those moments where I felt the weight of the entire world lift off my chest and fly out the window onto the asphalt.

I was crying because it felt like God put his warm hands around my heart and loved it back into one piece. I was talking to him, telling him how I've felt so free, so cherished since I came out. I couldn't explain to him the vastness of his love and the completeness of the freedom I've felt. I told him. No one else can offer a freedom like this... My whole coming out process has been a very spiritual time for me. It feels very intense, yet very simple.

Simply, God loves me, and I feel it. Other people love me too, even people who don't agree with my decision, they are treating me the same and loving me the same. It's not easy. And there've been some times where people outed me when they didn't have permission. Some of these same people who love me. But guess what? The world has not ended. My life is not over. I'm freer than I've ever been before. And in 3 hours I'm going to be at the airport awaiting a flight to NYC to explore more of the faces of my out self.

I cried for five minutes feeling so overwhelmed by freedom. The waiting is over. I'm really exhausted and I'm not going to sleep again til probably after midnight. But it's worth it.

Adventure girl... has adventures!




2 comments:

Vol de Nuit said...

I hope you have an awesome time.

Alia T said...

I was like that with the random smiling and giggling the whole trip to California. And afterwards for a couple weeks. And once in a while still when something reminds me of how free I am and how wonderful life is here!