In a recent Sugarbutch treat, Sinclair has begun to sort through what it means to submit and surrender.
"the bottom is always the one in real control... the top may be inflicting the pain or sensation, may be the one holding the knife or the flogger or the end of the rope, but the bottom is who is dictating the next move, the depth of the cut, the strength of the paddle, the moment of release."
I don't have a whole lot of experiential knowledge to analyze. But I almost certainly ... ok certainly. Prefer the bottom. The idea of bottoming appeals to my sense of worth. It is not that I prefer the bottom because I want to be talked down to or degraded. What's actually behind it for me is the fact that i'm so irresistible that my top can't help but take me. Whether or not I'm really in control, at least that's how I perceive it. Like that bottom in The Diner on the Corner:
"She picked me up at the dyke bar last weekend while letting me think I was picking her up ... I thought I was warming her up to ask for her number, she was secretly rolling her eyes, thinking, get on with it already. She had control of every detail, but let me think I did."
But I'm not the type to take abuse from anyone. I learned to stand up to my Dad, and later I decided that there were a lot of people who needed to be held accountable to treat me respectfully.
I guess that was a lot of words to say that for me, yeah. Bottoming is about being in control. The submission is an illusion, a character that we play. We sneak in under cover and take control. I think that's part of why I have embraced the femme character too. In my world, the feminine is the heart and spine of the family. When everything else is broken down, including what is masculine, somehow the feminine has this amazing power to bounce back... to hold up everything that is crumbling... to know when to let go of something that cannot survive anymore.
What do you think?