Please respond - homework help! (general update, too)

I am a week overdue with this assignment, and it is mostly because I never received even ten responses. I know I haven't been writing much, but my last semester of school, moving, and a number of other stressors are really kicking my ass right now. Not having routine or a work schedule to work around has really disintegrated my

Even if you feel you have little to say in the matter, won't you be a dear and complete this survey? It's for a good cause - my degree in Women's Studies! E-mail your responses to missavarice@gmail.com, my lovelies!

Also, please pick up a book called Black Male Outsider: Teaching as a Pro-Feminist Black Man if you have any interest in the importance of men's, specifically black men's cooperation and support of womanist and feminist causes. If you're not interested, you should be.

In a talk that miss bell hooks gave at my university two weeks ago, she said that in our American culture, we have been taught to alienate black maleness, we have not been taught to relate with black maleness in a holistic way. It was a huge "aha!" moment for me and I truly hope that by reading this book (perhaps also by reading Musings of a Manwhore?) and by making intentional choices in the company that I keep, that maybe I will make some progress in that area.

Healthwise, I have had swollen tonsils for five days now, I have been on antibiotics for four days, but they had done nothing to improve my condition. Four hours on prednisone, and the antibiotic is no longer doing double duty and the white spots are already beginning to disappear. this has been one of the most expensive non-chronic health issues I have had in a long time. I'm very grateful that I have not had any major health issues in the time that I have not had health insurance. On my to do list for March is to see if I can get on the county health insurance program. I'm not employed and I do have a laundry list of health issues that make it hard to both sit at a desk for 8 hours and stand on my feet for 8 hours. What kind of job lets you sit down and stand up as often as you want? I'm thinking very few.

Also, I'm not supposed to even be typing this because I'm grounded - two weeks behind in one class, totally on task with the other class, wtf is up with the imbalance here?

Recap:
Do my survey
Read a book
Tonsils are looking better!

Monday Meals for Males #1

I think I'm crazy! My favorite hobby is to nitpick old cookbooks for their sexist sentiments, and make fun of the weird food! I swear I am so weird.

Today I'll be debuting yet another out of print book that I'll be excerpting (it will be on Mondays, I'm late this week). It's called Meals for Males. I couldn't find a good link for it, sorry. I found it at a used bookstore we have around town for $8, which sounds like I got ripped off considering that I saw one copy for $.40 on Amazon. If you're a cookbook geek like Dana and like me, $5 will surely tickle your fetish. Not that I'm suggesting you buy a sexist text, but the original author isn't making any money off of it, so why the heck not?

About John J. Poister
John Poister began his writing career as a war correspondent for Stars and Stripes in Shanghai, China. Since that time he's tackled virtually every kind of writing. His 1965 documentary "Change for the Better" won the best documentary motion picture of the year award at the International Film and TV Festival of New York. Meals for Males is his second book. His first, The Pyromaniac's Cookbook" received wide critical praise as the first comprehensive book on flambé cuisine ever published in America.

Some credentials eh!

intro/duction
In the introduction he says, "This is as book for men with heart appetites - and women who love to satisfy them." He's trying to be inclusive rather than exclusive, can't you see? He continues: "This is a book for everyone who likes to cook and all who believe that good food and drink are an important part of the total enjoyment of life." Count me in!

This book contains no chapter on desserts because rich, heavy, calorie-packed dishes at the end of a substantial meal are less in demand by weight-conscious, on-the-move men and women. Accordingly, this space has been given over to other areas of rapidly growing interest and popularity, such as outdoor cooking. Hors d'oeuvres come at the end of this book, where they are utilized within the context of a social situation calling for light fare.

This social situation he's referring to is a date! Chapter 8 is: Of Succulence and Seduction: Carefully chosen food and drink for an evening for two designed to fortify love's alchemy whilst assiduously avoiding gluttony and inebriation; complete with many foolproof recipes and tested elixirs, some of which are reputed to possess aphrodisiacal powers."

It gets even better! He describes Chapter 7, "Drinks for Wine Lovers" this way:
The rather long sections on mixed drinks may seem disproportionate compared to those in traditional cookbooks. But since this is a book dealing with food and drink having a special appeal for men, and since men are usually responsible for drink preparation in the home, it is entirely appropriate that this branch of culinary arts be treated importantly. There is also a chapter on mixed drinks using wine as a basic ingredient. This reflects the increasingly widespread use of wines in the home.

Finally, John's goal is to make every man a gastronaut. That's right ladies, gentlemen, and gentlequeers.

gas-tro-naut; n: 1: a person who explores, investigates, or experiments with all aspects of good eating, esp new kinds of edibles or cooking methods.

No lie. This is one the very first page, before the copyright page.

If you missed Sunday Single Girl's Guide to Entertaining by Dixie Dean Trainer, you should go back and read them they're hilarious!

I leave you with the "Poisterizer" - YES it's named after the author:

1 oz orange juice
1 oz pineapple juice
1 oz coconut milk
2.5 oz Barbados rum
Shake with ice, pour into a collins glass, fill with lemon lime soda and float half oz Demerara rum on top.

busy bees

I have to say, and I hate to say, writing here has become somewhat of a chore. It does not flow easily as it used to. I forget the things that I meant to tell you about, and I groan to think of how many days it has been since my last post of substance. I don't even count hits anymore, I can hardly find time to read and respond to the legion butch/femme and sexuality writers out there. And let me tell you, they are legion. The number of people I read now, vs. whom I read a year ago has probably doubled if not tripled. I can't keep up with all your fantastic theory, self revelation and revelry, and even the reality checks that bring things into focus.

I'm not saying I'm going to stop writing altogether, because I'm sure once I get back in the groove of things, I'll be scribbling off notes to myself left and right. I've been very pleased to delve into Queer Theory: An Introduction and American Queer, Now and Then and Gendering Bodies.

If you're looking for great writing about gender troubles or the thin lines between butch and trans, definitely look for writings by the distinguished sociology and feminist professor Dr. Sara Crawley. Ze has several rather engaging publications in print right now, one of which I used for the paper I gave on Femme legitimacy in the queer community. Read "Prioritizing Audiences: Exploring the Differences Between Stone Butch and Transgender Selves". It'll rock your transmasculine world.

Since I have reported myself as somewhat of a sexblog, but more of a life/queerness/women's issues blog lately... I should tell you that the sex is um... infrequent but very, very good. You know it's good when it lasts you a few days. When it's really good, we've found each other saying, "last night was so nice!" I get little text messages saying, "I can't stop thinking about how good you made me feel!" Right now our love is not that voracious, raging, new love. It has simmered and sizzled into a satisfying, comfortable, snuggle-me-at-night love, we are not tragic, we are not heroic, we are not married, she is not my wife. But we coexist so peacefully, she and I.

So many months of begging the universe to bring me someone good for me and here she is. It's not all peaches and cream (oooh... peaches and cream!) -- close -- but it is steady and calm.

I found myself missing the sacred circle of the Body Electric School the other day. Sunday. I had not felt that void in some time, but it was there. A womyn-only-space shaped hole in my heart. Naked singing and dancing hole. A gap the shape of pushing boundaries. A comfortable velvet cloak, that void. I used to talk about the void in Mexico and Cuba...

hay un vacio en el corazon. todas tienen este vacio... y atemptamos llenarlo con cosas varias pero... pero solamente Dios puede llenarlo.

I used to say that only God could fill the void. Now, I think what fills that void is self love. Remember, I used to preach Jesus... but the word "Jesus" came out sound like "love thyself!"

Do it people. Love yourselves. Please do it. It is so very, so very important to me.



I am a lover-healer...
I am a lover-healer...

as butch as a hunk of machinery!

I just finished watching "Before Stonewall" on netflix (you can watch it streaming online if you have a subscription at any level) and I do believe that I met myself in 50 years. "Lisa Ben" or Edith Eyde. My hero. She sings with a spanish guitar, and parodied this song

The Girl That I Marry
The girl that I marry will have to be
as soft and as pink as a nursery.
The girl that I call my own
will wear satins and laces and smell of cologne.
Her nails will be polished and in her hair
she'll wear a gardenia and I'll be there
'Stead of flittin' I'll be sittin' next to her
and she'll purr like a kitten.
A doll I can carry the girl that I marry must be.

But instead -- and I must tell you that I stopped the movie and went back so I could write it down -- she sang:

The Girl That I Marry
The girl that I marry will probably be
as butch as a hunk of machinery.
The girl I idolize ... will wear slacks with flat fronts*,
tailored shirts and bow ties
She'll walk with a swagger and wear short hair
And keep me entranced with her tomboy air
Instead of cruisin I'll be using
Her shoulder to lean on while snoozin
A faint hearted fairy, the girl I marry won't be!

clearly, an ode to butches. do you see how she's my hero? dana watched her singing so sweetly and said, "honey it's you!" we had a good laugh about it.

*flat fronts? I'm not sure about that, I had some trouble discernign that line.

Apparently I'm also channeling bell hooks because as I was introducing myself to my class (Literature by Women of Color in the Diaspora), my professor - the distinguished Dr. Gary Lemons, author of "Black. Male. Outsider" - said that as he was watching me speak, watching this white woman speak, he felt as though he was listening to bell hooks. She was actually his dissertation adviser as a Ph.D. student at (i think) NYU.

[edit] Originally I had written that it was ms Audre Lorde, but HussyRed is right in the comments, I had forgotten she passed away when I was just a wee lass. bell hooks will be visiting, though, and I'll be interested to see the comparison.

Finding H. F.

Sunday Single Girl's Guide will be back next week when I find the book - I just moved into my new apartment and Dana has been amazingly helpful. I really blessed to find someone who matches my intellect, appetite, and interests. It's that "we just fit" thing that Sinclair has talked about sometimes...

My dearest Jennie has prepared a review of Julia Watts' Finding H.F.. I am definitely going to try to obtain a copy as soon as I can, because it sounds awesome!

In Finding H.F. 16-year-old Heavenly Faith Simms copes with living in a small Kentucky town as closeted lesbian. After her mother abandoned her at birth, H.F. (as she is known by her peers) grows up with her well meaning but extremely religious grandmother. H.F. survives being tormented and ignored by her classmates through her friendship with Bo, her gay male friend. However, when H.F. discovers letters from her mother in her grandmother’s drawer she embarks on a secret cross country journey with Bo. On this trip, Bo and H.F. discover a world outside of their narrow minded community. They are welcomed to Atlanta by other gay teens and warmly accepted into a more inclusive church group. In Florida H.F. is disappointed by her mother’s cruel and selfish attitude, but she returns to Kentucky feeling confident in her identity, her friendships and a relationship with a female classmate.

Watts provides and accurate and entertaining view of gay teenage life in a conservative town. Her use of slang expressions and extensive dialogue adds a sense of realism to H.F.’s narration. Also Watt’s covers issues facing homosexual teens including isolation from family, loss of identity, and homophobia. Watt’s also covers the vicious and sometimes violent reactions treatment of gay teens in school.

As a person who was also raised by my grandmother I related deeply to H.F.’s need to seek out her birth mother. I was ultimately inspired by H.F.’s ability to define herself apart from her dysfunctional parent and find a way to be happy even under oppressive circumstances. Finding H.F. is an excellent choice for GLBTQ teens, as it offers a variety of options. For instance H.F. is extremely distrusting of religion until she finds an inclusive church service. However, other teens in the story are not able to reconcile their orientation with a religious affiliation. My only complaint is certain situations in the novel are coincidental to the point of absurdity. When H.F. and Bo arrive in Atlanta they immediately meet a wandering band of kind gay teenagers with rich older friends. Although this situation drives the plot forward it seems highly unlikely to occur.

Sunday Single Girl's Guide to Entertaining 2

A dinner party for two has got to be one of the most romantic occasions in the world (unless it's a girl from the office) [Wait - that would be awesome!]. Assuming it's a man you're entertaining, pull out all the stops: nice records or a good, unobtrusive radio station for background music, a small bouquet of flowers, lots of candlelight, hot plates, polished glassware and silverware, your nicest tablecloth or placemats, and, of course, perfectly delicious food. Men [or butches, or whoever] really love the whole production.

The Entrees in this section are designed just for two in order to make the shopping and preparation as easy as possible. (No leftovers to worry about, either.)

Nearly all of the preparation - cutting, slicing, dicing, whatever - can be done very quickly and in advance, so that all you'll have to do is put everything together at the last moment. You'll find that the actual cooking will go even faster if you put all your utensils on the stove in advance. Then all you'll have to do is throw things into various pots and skillets.

These recipes do rely on relatively expensive cuts of meat - veal scallopine and steak, for instance. I've found that it's possible to afford two veal scallops (about 3/4 lb.) and 1/8 lb. of proscuitto (sic) ham - which are horribly expensive per pound - because the amounts are so small. The same ingredients for four or six people would be financially ruinous (RUINOUS!) So splurge a little and enjoy. It won't cost that much more than hamburgers.

Suggestions for appropriate appetizers, soups, vegetables and desserts are described in the previous chapter are given. (Not that the mathematical combination of just a few standards or favorites are endless).

HAM ALSACE: This is a French favorite from the province of Alsace - Lorraine.

1 precooked ham slice
1.5 TB sweet butter
3/4 cup grated Parmesan
2/4 cup grated Swiss
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1/3 cup heavy cream

Preheat the broiler. Saute the ham in butter in a skillet. When heated through on one side, turn and heat the other. Mix the grated cheeses with the mustard and beat in just enough heavy cream to make a spreadable paste. Don't let it get thin or runny. Smear the ham with the mixture and put it under the broiler until the top is melted and browned.

(Note: Dijon mustard is hot, spicy brown mustard. The American yellow hot dog mustard won't work in this dish).

Precede with Onion Soup (p. 23). Serve with hot buttered spinach and buttered noodles. For dessert, try Flan (p. 37).

There you have it. Your weekly excerpt from "Single Girl's Guide to Cooking and Entertaining: How to go straight to the heart of your man... easy and delicious recipes and menus for the working girl in a hurry." by Dixie Dean Trainer, which is nowhere to be found on the internet otherwise I would link you to it. I like most of the recipes in this book but I'm simply astonished by the commentary and chapter introductions!

girls are single, women are married?

Went to the thrift store today to see what I could see, and for $.39 I picked up a copy of "Single Girl's Guide to Cooking and Entertaining: How to go straight to the heart of your man... easy and delicious recipes and menus for the working girl in a hurry." Now, don't everybody puke because it's got some really genius ideas in here. I might make Sunday my day for excerpts from this interesting little paperback.

Desserts: My first suggestion about desserts is to avoid them whenever possible. My second suggestion is to make them as simple as possible. And why not? Nobody excpects a single girl to be a baker or pastry chef; those are accomplishments properly belonging to married sisters or maiden aunts. Besides, after a full meal, most people could care less about facing a rich dessert. They are - or should be - completely satisfied by your earlier efforts, or they're watching their waistlines or their cholesterol level. And most important, by the time you, the hostess, reach dessert, you'll need to coast a little. You've planned, cooked, and served enough already; now you need something that requires practically no effort on your part to soothe the nerves (yours) and preserve good humor.

My favorite "dessert" - ditto for most guests - is what someone once called oddments - salted nuts and after dinner mints served with brandy and coffee. You can ad a plate of cookies or petit fours (from the bakery) if you want to make an extravagant gesture. There is a hidden bonus in oddments - people tend to linger at the table, talking, laughing and feeling terribly convivial. As a result they'll feel that you throw marvelous dinner parties, and you'll garner a reputation as a great party giver with no extra effort.

Now you can puke. Look for more horrific quotations next Sunday from this highly significant historical document, written by Dixie Dean Trainer in MCMLXX, whenever that was. Anybody good with roman numerals?

A Matter of Intent

This piece has been featured in 55th Carnival of Feminists and in Sugasm #121

I wrote this paper last semester for my Classic in Feminist Theory seminar. I had been immersed in gender theory the entire semester after discovering some very important sources on lesbian gender, and I want to make this available to you all. There has been a lot of talk lately about wether or not passing is a privilege. I basically stand with Sinclair, that if we start blaming each other and fighting over who's more oppressed or endangered, we are taking our energy away from the important work of making a space for ourselves in society. Butches should not have to feel guilty for any masculine privilege and femmes should not have to be blamed for the flack that masculine women endure for their visible queerness. It's not our fault - it's the fault of homophobic people who hold their prejudice against us. Please don't steal my work - my name isn't in it because this is anonymous, but I feel like it's important enough to share.

Femme: A Matter of Intent

I never grew up as much of a “girly” girl. While I sometimes reveled in skirts and Easter dresses that my mother sewed especially for me, I still wore them to run and play in the dirt, and to climb trees, play on jungle gyms, and swing from monkey bars. Rarely, at least in my very young years, did I notice whether my activities were meant for a boy or a girl, but rather, I enjoyed life for what it was. When I finally started giving myself a gender without the help of my parents, my femininity was noticeably imperfect. I always smudged my makeup by accident, I never matched my clothes very well, my hair was frizzy and I never took the time to make it smooth. I failed at femininity, and there was no one to impress, so I gave up and did “my own thing” throughout high school and until my first few years of college. In the past year, though, I have been rewriting my femininity in the context of a newfound queer community. I’ve known since my first year in high school that I am romantically interested in other women, but it has taken me the last decade to fully integrate myself into queer culture. This queer culture now allows me to define myself in terms of femininity again without feeling shame – my femininity was for the appreciation of other women and not for men, so I had nothing to fear. This time, being feminine meant having the freedom to embrace my gender without being mistaken for something else – for a weak, passive, quiet woman, which I am not. My gender is “Femme.” This title provides me with a way to participate in the current (ancient, endless) job of redefining femininity by queer standards that make a woman strong, daring and loud. That, I can live with!

Description
Historically, three main stereotypes of lesbian gender have prevailed – the archetypal genders, “femme”, “butch” and “androgynous”, and like any archetype would, “all three of these bring images and ideas into lesbians’ minds that are collectively held visions” (Loulan 20). While lesbian feminism sought to terminate the butch/femme dichotomy because of it’s apparent mimicry of heterosexuality, preferring the safety of androgyny, the movement’s effects on butch and femme themselves as valuable signifiers was limited:

Today lesbians . . . still rate themselves on a butch/femme scale. Lesbians still unconsciously know the difference between a soft butch and a stone butch, a femme-of-center and an aggressive femme – even if they don’t admit it . . . Butch and femme are unique archetypes of our subculture. (Loulan 25)

So, with the rejection of butch and femme in the 1970s, androgyny, a sort of “none of the above” category has become the safest space for lesbians within their own community, yet women continue to describe themselves on the butch-femme chart they call “old-culture” (Loulan 27).

The Butch Femme Continuum appears as follows:

Butch <------------------->Androgynous<------------------->Femme

The femme gender is physically and behaviorally similar to the heterosexual female gender, but femmes themselves see the “femme identity as distinct from and critical of naturalized notions of femininity” (Rose and Camilleri 14) because of differences in politics, attitude, and relational styles. In a collection of writings about femmes, Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity, Chloë Brushwood Rose and Anna Camilleri have attempted to define femme saying that “Femme is inherently ‘queer’” (12) and that furthermore,

Femme might be described as “femininity gone wrong” – bitch, slut, nag, whore, cougar, dyke, or brazen hussy. Femme is the trappings of femininity gone awry, gone to town, gone to the dogs. Femininity is a demand placed on female bodies and femme is the danger of a body read female or inappropriately feminine. We are not all good girls – perhaps we are not girls at all . . . Many femmes are lesbians, but femmes are also drag queens, straight sex workers, nelly fags, all strong women (emphasis mine) and sassy men. (13)

Most femme lesbians can even pass for heterosexual women, but do they want to pass? Maybe some do. Telling the two apart – femme lesbians and heterosexual women – proves to be essentially impossible if the analysis is based solely on appearances, so whoever wants to know has to dig a little bit deeper. While feminine lesbians who pass for “straight” may avoid some of the stigma of sexual deviance, they are alienated from the queer communities who feel that their passing status takes for granted the hardships that non-passing lesbians face. Rather, “Femmes who pass against their will hate how they are treated – as unattached heterosexual women” (Loulan 91). A femme by herself is seen as merely a failed heterosexual – she was a “dud” in the way that Freud imagined women on the whole as being “failed” or “incomplete” men. As a femme, I have envied butches and androgynous women for their “visibility” because, at least to me, being visibly queer means not having to deal with as many unwanted advances, not having to “come out” all the time because people misjudge my sexual orientation, and it also means having queer legitimacy because while femmes are radical within their intimate relationships, “femininity . . . cannot be seen as resistant in any capacity” (Maltry and Tucker 94). Rather than being able to pass, some femmes, myself included, might say they actually suffer to pass – queer consciousness underscores the femme existence for femmes’ apparent failure to subvert the heteronormative paradigm. They figuratively lose their “dyke card” even though they choose intimate relationships with other women! Femmes subvert the heterosexual paradigm simply by choosing femininity instead of accepting it as nature’s design.

The butch gender is a masculinity tailored to fit the female bodied, but it is also distinctly unlike that masculinity which biological men may exhibit. The degree of masculinity varies from person to person and throughout time and across cultures, so some women who exist in the periphery of butch identity have struggled at times to be accepted into the informal butch fraternity, depending on which characteristics they adopt and how strongly. Some butch women can pass for men, but by identifying as butch, they recognize their femaleness and so deconstruct any claim by heterosexuals that they are all women who wish to be men. Some butches can also “pass” for women if the necessity should ever arise, but they clearly disdain for such passing when it comes up in conversation. Carol Queen writes endearingly of butch women:

Strong. I mean physically strong. Sexual, with a look in the eye that caresses and undresses. Attitude that comes from never fitting in, maybe from never even having tried. Butch. . . . What is butch? Rebellion against women’s lot, against gender-role imperatives that pit boyness against girlness and then assign you-know-who the short straw. Butch is a giant fuck YOU! To compulsory femininity, just as lesbianism says to compulsory heterosexuality. (15)

Butches are gender transgressors by personal necessity and since the personal is political, the public sees this as an outright political statement. Not so with femmes. But to me, while femme may signify femininity gone wrong, butch exhibits masculinity done right. Not all queer genders are a purposeful subversion, an undermining of traditional and heterosexual gender roles. Rather, it is a matter of individual intent.

While many lesbians may still define themselves by these titles, I have noticed younger dykes have increasingly refused these three labels and the genders that accompany them. Instead, they identify themselves as something other, something outside the butch-femme continuum. They seem to reject gender specifics altogether, but I wonder if we all call ourselves “miscellaneous” how we will know how to interact with one another? Centuries of debate lead us to the belief that gender is not innate, but is rather the set learned characteristics that guide men’s and women’s behavior. The Western mindset has separated the genders into masculine and feminine, but I think the concept of gender is broader than that. I do think it is true, children are socialized to distinguish between genders, and to express a sex-appropriate gender, but I also recognize that I have always been femme in the way that my butch friends have always been butch, regardless of any gendered upbringing. When some of my butch friends were little girls, they squeezed and contorted their boyishness because they were punished for it. They tried to hide it underneath a feminine façade. In that very same way, I also tried to compress and disfigure my girlishness because it attracted unwanted attention. I deemphasized my womanly shape when I grew it, and tried to play tough. Finally, somewhere in our teens or twenties, we realized our true genders and have discovered the bravery to act them out publicly. So, perhaps there is a part of gender that is innate, but we must not mistakenly think that any one gender is “meant” for any particular sex. Yet, it is necessary to define gender in order to determine its origins. Gender is more than just the clothes we wear, but how we wear them, how we feel in them. Gender has to do with manners and mannerisms. Gender is a set of rules by which we regulate behaviors, it is simply another category by which we organize our world into something manageable. I think that gender is also a way of thinking about and interacting with society at large. Our genders give us and others a framework by which to understand each other better.

Analysis
While the femme gender has liberated me from any obligation to meet heteronormative standards of femininity, it has also presented me with a number of problems to work through because invariably, I do meet some of the standards. Just last month I went to a bar by myself (which I do frequently) to meet up with someone I had met a few nights before. Immediately upon arrival, a man commented on my appearance. I was dressed conservatively, wearing business slacks, a pink shirt and a sweater – yet to my disappointment, he conjured up the courage to tell me that I am very attractive. Later, as I sat alone, he joined me again and attempted to make small talk, perhaps hoping to make some kind of connection. I had to tell him outright that I am not interested in men whatsoever, and he was taken surprise! He said, “But you are so beautiful, how can you be like that?” What this gentleman wondered was how I could choose to be a lesbian if I can clearly take my pick of whatever male I want. The idea itself goes back to lesbian pulp fiction of the 1950s where the femme still lacks for sexual agency,

“The feminine invert is either threatened or manipulated into the same-sex sexual dynamic by the masculine invert. She does not then choose her sexual expression, but is coerced into it. Another perception was that the feminine invert expressed inversion because she had been rejected by men and had no other option.” (Maltry and Tucker 89)

The established gender stereotypes for lesbians define all lesbians as being outwardly masculine, such that all masculine women are considered queer, whether or not they are actually gay – and some masculine women are not! To say that all lesbian women are at least a little bit masculine is to completely erase the legitimacy of feminine lesbians. Femmes live in a state of continual “coming out” because their appearance does not fit the stereotype. Even when they do verbally “out” themselves to others, few may believe it, and thus neither queers nor heterosexuals afford femmes a queer legitimacy. In fact, say Maltry and Tucker, “It is precisely the lesbian feminist demonization that permitted the butch to emerge relatively unscathed but that obliterated the femme” (94). So, since lesbians are not allowed to be femmes, they face a compulsory heterosexuality that strips the femme “not only of her identity, but of any understanding of her identity as subversive” (94).

Lesbianism in society shifts the power imbalance away from men and into the hands of women who share their resources, and the comforts of their sex, with other women. With this in mind, if the patriarchal system can make as many lesbians as possible look invisible, then they can believe for a little while longer that men still have an all-access pass to female sexuality. Perhaps, to the mindset of the heterosexual male, if she walks like a straight girl and talks like a straight girl, then she’s fair game – if she’s a dyke, that is ok, he (thinks he) can change her mind. We have discussed in class that most lesbian pornography is geared toward a straight male audience, so men are receiving this message and not thinking critically about it. Logically, it follows that if some girls will kiss other girls for the camera so that he can enjoy it, then any girl who is feminine like them must not really be gay, she’s just showing off, or she just “hasn’t found the right man, yet.” Mainstream heterosexual consciousness cannot conceive of butches and androgynous females as being women because they do not match the gender role established for “woman”, but femmes do match the gender role. By apparently “conforming” (although I dare say a scarce few femme women consider themselves conformists!) to femininity, femmes fall under the category of “woman,” and (at least loosely) fit the beauty standards prescribed by the patriarchy. Thus, as true women, they are for men. But femmes are the epitome of what you see is (not) what you get – they are the very definition of “too good to be true” for heterosexual males because femme is sexy, womanly, and kisses other girls – what more could he want? But it’s a dirty trick he plays on himself. The fact that a femme kisses other girls means that she is not sexually available to him. To him, this is a cruel sabotage.

Vision
The gentleman I met at the bar last month had to ask me how long I have been a lesbian and why I decided to “change” before he could be convinced that I truly was not interested in him! Imagine if I had not had such an effective alibi – imagine if I had been a straight woman. What would I have said? I want to live in a world where femmes and other feminine people can say “no” and not have to repeat or explain themselves to heterosexual men, regardless of their own sexual orientation. I want to be taken at my word; no means no, not yes. We must have an effective way to ward off unwanted sexual comments and advances from people we are not interested in. Females must be allowed to choose their gender and present it accordingly without facing discrimination or erasure of their significance as part of queer society. Perhaps it is too daunting a task to stop everyone from making any assumptions about anyone whatsoever, since we use appearance to label everything – we judge race, class, ability, and compatibility with ourselves based on outward signifiers. I don’t think the system of assumption is intrinsically wrong, but it is misused and its purposes are misunderstood. I hope that in the future we will find some way to acknowledge the existence of stereotypes but not focus ourselves so very intently upon them that we are blind to any variation. What fortune have I, that my femme gender mocks the gender assigned to my sex, but not everyone has that luck! I want gender to be a safe space for people, I want it to be a way that we can call ourselves the same and different without fear.

I almost wish I could actually have that proverbial “dyke card” which I could flash if I ever need to become visible at a moment’s notice. If any polite but determined gentleman should approach me again, I will be able to put a stop to his insistent, “But why? What does she have that I don’t have?” simply by showing my smiling face on a shiny laminate card labeled “Dyke // Class: Femme // Name: None of Your Business.” But it is not that simple. After thinking over and over about how femme women might become outwardly visible, I have come to the conclusion that it is simply not possible with the current state of Western society. We will have to redefine the meaning of femininity and write queer femme into the script.

Strategy
Radical feminist thought has the best chance of actually working out a solution to this problem compared with other feminist traditions because it requires a total rethinking of what it means to be woman and what queer looks like on the body of a female. I am compelled to bulldoze the entire structure and start new from scratch but that is a task that requires the cooperation of a multitude of people. It requires that the infrastructure of gender roles and stereotypes be utterly demolished and replaced by some other relational system. For the time being, I will suggest some minor renovations that are more easily accomplished, and may be considered stepping stones toward a free future. I do not wish to do away with gender “roles” entirely because I value the “naming” of things, I have found freedom in my title, but we must have the freedom to choose between roles.

Firstly, I want to encourage the people who revel in contradictions to continue to do this revolutionary work, and not to limit themselves to likeminded communities – go out and become a missionary to the masses and show them that some dykes are girly, and many gay men are masculine, and that transgender and genderqueer people exist! That is an extravagant dream, and I wonder how many brave souls there are who will actually pursue it despite the prejudice and discrimination that persists. Femmes themselves will be the most important catalysts in changing the “female = feminine = straight” thought process by putting on their big girl underwear and going out, loud and proud, in the world. Femme has to start speaking up for herself and writing herself back into the history of the women’s movement and into the story of lesbian history, where whoever’s in charge has made her existence insignificant.

Secondly, the educational system will require a complete overhaul, at least where gender socialization is concerned. Children need to learn that gender diversity exists and that there are (or there should be) very real consequences to discriminatory practice based on gender identity, or on anything else for that matter! We must re-educate teachers about child gender socialization so that they will know how to reinforce and encourage children’s individual gender expression, whatever it may look like. This goes for gender, but, as always, the situation is even more complicated by the race and class. Where discrimination exists based upon one thing, it has the potential to exist on the basis of anything else.

Promoting the visibility of femmes also requires that we establish a body of writing that validates femininity in the queer existence. I think it is reasonable to believe that writers started all previous revolutions by writing honestly about their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Perhaps these papers were passed around in secret and everyone added his or her ideas to the back of the book until it was full. And when everyone had read it, finally everyone agreed and a unified movement began. This revolution starts with Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity, and with the fearless individuals who make it a habit of saying “no” and meaning it. In the end, femmes and other feminine people would never have to say no more than once in order to be heard. The revolution would result in femme queers getting their voices back from a life of having proverbial laryngitis. Femme would be a legitimate, subversive, recognizable queer existence that does not trivialize the struggle gender non-conformant people endure.

References:
Brushwood Rose, Chloë and Camilleri, Anna. “Introduction, A Brazen Posture.” Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity. Ed. Chloë Brushwood Rose and Anna Camilleri. Vancouver: Arsenal Pulp Press, 2002. 11-14.

Loulan, Jo Ann. The Lesbian Erotic Dance. San Francisco: Spinsters Book Company, 1990.

Maltry, Melanie and Tucker, Kristin. “Female Fem(me)ininities: New Articulations in Queer Gender Identities and Subversion.” Femme/Butch: New Considerations on the Way We Want to Go. Ed. Michelle Gibson and Deborah T. Meem. New York: Haworth Press, 2002. 89-102.

Queen, Carol A. “Why I Love Butch Women.” Dagger: On Butch Women. Ed. Lily Burana, Roxxie and Linnea Due. Pittsburgh: Cleis Press, Inc., 1994. 15-23.

Reading List

It's that time of year again - already! Time to buy my text books for the upcoming semester. I'll divide it by course this time.

Issues on Women and Health:
Our Bodies, Ourselves

The Black Women's Health Book

Complaints and Disorders: The Sexual Politics of Sickness

Witches, Midwives, and Nurses: A History of Women Healers

Senior Seminar:
Domesticating the Empire: Race, Gender, and Family Life in French and Dutch Colonialism

Gender and Imperialism

Western Women and Imperialism

Gender and Empire

hmm.

Perhaps it's better to say fewer words.
I'm may try that. Maybe for my new year's resolution.
Not right now.

I can't get my nose out of all these gender theory books and into my feminism books. I'm starting to get really behind on my readings for class because I haven't spent every waking hour reading. That's the only way I could really catch up.

We went through the introduction and Ch. 12 of De Beauvoir's The Second Sex in class today. And "The Woman Identified Woman" by the Radicalesbians in 1970. The straight girls were a bit offended - it came across as if the writers though every woman should be a lesbian and that's the only way to topple the patriarchy. Of course that isn't true. Straight girls are our most important spies, if we could convince the overwhelming majority to fight for change instead of believing lies that say their worth and values comes from subservience and self-sacrifice. *sigh*

I think my paper for Classics in Feminist Theory is going to be about the subversive nature of queer gender. It's all I've been able to think about for weeks on end, so why not study it, cook with it, conjure it up and write it out into something comprehensible that I can keep for the future. Something by which to remember my gender development. Something to commemorate my femme re-identification.

I've had my nose mostly in Butch/Femme: Inside Lesbian Gender, feeling completely renewed and freed by all the chatter of femininity. I've been lusting over the other books, and grinning ear to ear, reading Set in Stone | Butch on Butch Erotica. In addition to the eleven books I needed for my classes, I have also purchased six gender theory books. which means I have 15 books in the bed with me every night, begging for my attention. The lucky ones get it, the others must wait their turn until luck strikes.

drunk blogging round 2 *ding*

Again. Proof that I'm a cheap drunk. I had a cosmo and a shot of goldschlager. damn i love that stuff. it's so potent. and so pleasant.

got off work tonight hoping to catch the last of a birthday bash just-outta-town but found out from a trusted source that the party had already disbanded. so i said to myself. damnit. i work hard. and they let me off an hour early. that's just enough time to get drunk! so i set out to go the damn bar and make some damn friends, damnit. so i did.

come to think of it. this is the same bar where i got drunk last time i drunk blogged. anyways. i went to the damn bar, got myself a damn drink, and made myself some damn friends.

Asi que... en el clúb, yo conocí a Mari, que tiene 41 años. "Soy una lesbiana" me dijo. Pero no sé si lo creo. Ella tiene tres hijas. Y nietos. Sé divorció su esposo. Yo bailé con su sobrino, y él me introduzó a Mari. haha, que feliz fue su sobrino, y amable. Ella me revelé unas fotos de su família. Yo olvidé que la cultura latina se pone mucho valor entre la institución de família (en qualquiera forma existe). Lamenté que no tuve fotos de mi propio família. Nosotras contamos nuestras historietas. Y al instante, estuvimos hermanas. Su hija mas grande estaba allí... una lesbiana también. esto es porque a mi me gusta vivir en Florida. La cultura de los latinos me encanta...

So... at the bar, I met Mari, 41 years old. "I'm a lesbian" she told me. But I don't know if I believe that. She has three daughters. Grandchildren. She's divorced from her husband. I danced with her nephew and he introduced me to her. hah! What a happy chap. She showed me pictures of her family. I forgot that latin culture places much value on the institution of family (in whatever form it exists). I regretted that I didn't have pictures of my own family. We recounted our stories. Instantly, we were sisters. Her eldest daughter was there... a lesbian as well. This is why I love Florida life. The latin culture captivates me.


Ok. back to English. I was drunk when I left, but about 4 miles down the road I realized the shot of Goldschlager was just starting to hit. You have to give it about a half hour to really take its effect. I got home to a lovely box from Powell's! You'll recal I've been waiting for this for like. Over two weeks now.

Butch/Femnme: Inside Lesbian gender
Femme/Butch: New Considerations on the Way We Want to Go (this one has an article by a Women's Studies professor at my University, whose class I will likely be taking in the Spring.

and my favorite: *drum roll*

Set in Stone: Butch-on-Butch Erotica.





I am SO. F'ckn. Excited! About this one! In fact, I'm going to make myself a butter shot (will likely consist of a swig from the irish cream bottle and a swig from the butterscotch schnapps bottle) and read me some fucken hot butch erotica. YES!

In other news, I'm performing well at work, which makes my bosses happy. And I'm again considering an occupation in the ... performance arts. I think be one hot ass burlesque dancer. And damnit I should at least try before I get too old. They oughta be lining up to see my pasties! Yowza!

Ok. Very drunk. Must. Stop. Typing. agh!

brazen femme

wheeee! i just got my book, brazen femme in the mail last night. you should have heard my squeals of delight! even though it is kinda busted from being mailed in... plastic wrap. but it's still so lovely!

i was so excited about that, and about financial aid coming through, that i bought four more used books which will be arriving at my house next week sometime. all of them covering the topics of gender. one of them, a collection of butch-on-butch erotica. hmmmmmm... my favorite. really. boys kissing. gets me [...] every time.

AHH! SO EXCITED!

and i paid off my credit cards.

the end.

Reading List

Really? Women's Studies professors? $440? Is this a joke? Is this the book store playing some type of cruel joke on me?

The Travels of a T-Shirt in the Global Economy: An Economist Examines the Markets, Power, and Politics of World Trade - $12.70

Economics of Women, Men and Work - $80.00

Unequal Sisters - A Multicultural Reader in US Women's History - $39.95

Feminism: A Very Short Introduction - $9.95

Moving the Mountain: Women Working for Social Change - $16.95

Thinking About Women: Sociological Perspectives on Sex and Gender - $77.40

Born for Liberty - 15.00

Southern Discomfort: Women's Activism in Florida, 1880s-1920s - 20.00

Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings 14.95

Feminist Theory: A Reader - $78.65

Women and Social Action / Course Guide - 44.95

But at least I had a nice bookgasm earlier, flipping through titles and gasping at all the fabulous information that I am about to absorb. From eleven books. ELEVEN FLIPPEN BOOKS! And the one, Unequal sister is like 1200 pages long.

OMG. WTF.